"Underground" My First Post

[MarshallArtist3203]

Verse 1:
It would kill me just to watch you drown,
but as fate has it Im the one, pulling you under
It would kill me just to see you burn,
but Im holding a bucket with no water
Its better things are left unsaid
too bad you already overheard me
another wasted breath on another wasted cause
forget this, too bad we already fought to the end

Pre Chorus:
If you dont accept the truth,
then youll get lost in all the lies

Chorus:
So build up your beliefs build up your hopes
just to see them cut right down
sometimes I wonder if there is a tomorrow
but life doesnt stop until your underground

Verse 2:
I stood by and watched you fall
watched you fall away from me
What I meant to do was leap with you
but I ran as I watched you leave

Pre Chorus
Chorus

Interlude:
My heart fills with discontent
as I slowly hit rock bottom
and no one offeres there hand
as I fall

Chorus
Underground x3
Fade Out

CRIT FOR CRIT!

[MarshallArtist3203]

Could some one please crit?

[MarshallArtist3203]

crittttttt pleeeeeasssseeeeee lol

[over_bends]

I loved the first 4 lines, even though they've been done before in a similar context, it works nicely. The problem for me here lies in the chorus. The chorus is supposed to be the strongest part of the song, but here its your weakest. I'd definately work to fix the up better if I were because you have a foundation to work with. Right now, overall its a 6.5 piece of work but with a little time it can be a 7.5-8.

[MarshallArtist3203]

thanks