SkaterGirl14
03-08-2006, 06:11 AM
NOTE TO FEDS: MY NAME IS MIKE SMITH AND I LIVE IN THE USA.
First off, I am not really a 14 year old girl. I am a 19 year old guy.
The background of the song is this. Two years back I went through some really cruddy times, in which two people very close to me died and although I was never criminally accused of murder, alot of people blame me for the deaths and it is still a very sore issue throughout my community. After that I started getting involved in crime and became addicted to drugs. A few months ago (while I was still hooked) I was befriended by a ten year old girl who obviously was infatuated with me. To be perfectly honest this was flattering as I was semi-homeless and only uninebriated for a few hours each day.
Anyway, I never acted on her advances but I never turned her away either, because I liked having her around. At a time where I was deliberately taking extremely large doses of downer pills to see whether I could survive, having someone who does not write you off as a junkie, or a murdering junkie lowlife, is amazingly special. It kind of gave me a reason to live, a reason not to keep throwing away my life and I became very attached to her.
Now I'm cleanish, but I've started to realise while I've always told myself she's in love with me and I'm not in love with her, I'm actually extremely emotionally attached to her. So much so I feel jealous when I see her playing with kids her own age etc.
So now it cuts me up, because if things continue going how they are I'm going to hurt myself even more, but worse than all I will end up hurting her. At the moment I feel like turning back to the pills.
Here's the song:
I know you love me,
I think I love you too.
But loving you is my suicide,
It's something I can't do.
But right now you're all that I think about.
My ships a question,
That's blown offcourse.
You look like something like my answer,
You sort of have the same voice,
And in my rough sea you're something I can recognise.
It's time I threw you back into your world,
A world where you can grow up, a world where you can live.
It's time you left my realm of drugs and thugs and pills that take you down.
Jump off my jagged rocks and land on level ground.
You know you saved me,
From hurting myself self.
But now I fear I'll break you,
Knock you off the top shelf.
Then it's too late to pick up the pieces.
It's time I threw you back into your world,
A world where you can grow up, a world where you can live.
It's time you left my realm of drugs and thugs and pills that take you down.
Jump off my jagged rocks and land on level ground.
Now I'm falling,
In my darkest abyss,
Cause all my good intentions,
Have only come to this.
It's time to lay back and embrace the blackness.
First off, I am not really a 14 year old girl. I am a 19 year old guy.
The background of the song is this. Two years back I went through some really cruddy times, in which two people very close to me died and although I was never criminally accused of murder, alot of people blame me for the deaths and it is still a very sore issue throughout my community. After that I started getting involved in crime and became addicted to drugs. A few months ago (while I was still hooked) I was befriended by a ten year old girl who obviously was infatuated with me. To be perfectly honest this was flattering as I was semi-homeless and only uninebriated for a few hours each day.
Anyway, I never acted on her advances but I never turned her away either, because I liked having her around. At a time where I was deliberately taking extremely large doses of downer pills to see whether I could survive, having someone who does not write you off as a junkie, or a murdering junkie lowlife, is amazingly special. It kind of gave me a reason to live, a reason not to keep throwing away my life and I became very attached to her.
Now I'm cleanish, but I've started to realise while I've always told myself she's in love with me and I'm not in love with her, I'm actually extremely emotionally attached to her. So much so I feel jealous when I see her playing with kids her own age etc.
So now it cuts me up, because if things continue going how they are I'm going to hurt myself even more, but worse than all I will end up hurting her. At the moment I feel like turning back to the pills.
Here's the song:
I know you love me,
I think I love you too.
But loving you is my suicide,
It's something I can't do.
But right now you're all that I think about.
My ships a question,
That's blown offcourse.
You look like something like my answer,
You sort of have the same voice,
And in my rough sea you're something I can recognise.
It's time I threw you back into your world,
A world where you can grow up, a world where you can live.
It's time you left my realm of drugs and thugs and pills that take you down.
Jump off my jagged rocks and land on level ground.
You know you saved me,
From hurting myself self.
But now I fear I'll break you,
Knock you off the top shelf.
Then it's too late to pick up the pieces.
It's time I threw you back into your world,
A world where you can grow up, a world where you can live.
It's time you left my realm of drugs and thugs and pills that take you down.
Jump off my jagged rocks and land on level ground.
Now I'm falling,
In my darkest abyss,
Cause all my good intentions,
Have only come to this.
It's time to lay back and embrace the blackness.