Against Me! related (critique por favor?)

[Liebensaft]

Anyone familiar with the band Against Me! and some of their song and album titles should get most of the references in the song. Their story is as follows: they made a few phenomenal albums, along with quite a few EP's. Then they released their newest album, Searching For A Former Clarity, which, when compared to their others, was a travesty. It's not that bad, just not up to par. Now, they've signed with Sire Records, a major label. This was the final straw for many, who were strong supporters of Against Me!'s anarchist ideals. Many fans have dubbed them sellouts and refused to listen to them anymore.

With this song, I attempted to make a mockery of those people.



Favored bands from a time not long gone
Now fortune they've found, and from my shelves they've been torn
Green in their eyes, they've failed to see
Stricken with fame, they're now dead to me

Former practicioners of anarchy
Flooding the airwaves of cable tv
Swayed by their mounting greed
I raise my glass to you....dearest Against Me!

You're losing touch, Mr. Gabel, betraying your roots
I'm searching for a former clarity not found in music video shoots
Do you remember "Crime...?" You used to give 'em hell
You really ought to reinvent yourself

Not dying for what you worked, merely being paid
Now walking is only honest every couple of days
Gaining new fans faster than they could ever be lost
You've done yourself well, Tom, but at what cost?

Role models of last week occupying the garbage can
Say so long to another once-faithful fan
Major labels and mediocre albums are where one must draw a line
I'll find a new band to like for a month before they turn into greedy corporate swine

Mr. Gabel, I sing this song for you
I used to believe the words you sung held true
Your ideals ripped and faded like your designer jeans
Can you still recall quite what anarchy means?

Former practicioners of anarchy
Flooding the airwaves of MTV
Swayed by their mounting greed
I'll really miss you, dearest Against Me!

[GreenIsNotYourEnemy]

I have personally never heard of Against Me! but thankfully, you wrote this quite well so i can still understand the message of what happened to them. There are a few areas like:

"Major labels and mediocre albums are where one must draw a line
I'll find a new band to like for a month before they turn into greedy corporate swine"

Here you could possibly try to rethink your word choice to make this flow a little more easily.

The only other thing i would say needs improvement is a few contradictions, i.e. you said that this was meant to mock people that refuse to listen to them, yet the piece sounds very sincere, not mocking at all.

also this stood out to me:

"Swayed by their mounting greed
I raise my glass to you....dearest Against Me"

Raising a glass is a sign of respect and admiration. would the speaker be doing this if they knew Against Me was "swayed by mounting greed"?

Overall, it was quite good work. most of it flowed pretty well and the rhymes did not sound forced. 7/10.

[Liebensaft]

I know what you mean about the lines you pointed out. The first in question is a rather childish sounding line to me, which I think suits who I'm attempting to poke fun at.

In the case of the second line you mentioned, I can also understand what you're saying. I didn't even think of that though. When writing it, I considered "I sing this tune for you, dearest..." or something along those lines, but I didn't like it as much.

During the writing process, I also noticed it seemed pretty sincere. I'm not too concerned about that, because if I didn't tell someone I had the opposite beliefs, they'd probably end up telling me how right I was, and I'd think it was even more comical.

I'll explain all the references in it too.

Against Me! started as a folk-influenced punk band with anarchist ideals. Now they've graced TV multiple times on stations like MTV. The lead singer and guitar player's name is Tom Gabel.

"Don't Lose Touch" is a song from their newest album, which they made a video for. It's a poor song, and a dumb video.

Searching For A Former Clarity is their newest album, which fell far short of their previous efforts, and right after releasing it, they signed to the major label.

Crime... was an old EP, which in my, and many others' opinions, is their best release to date.

The song "What We Worked For" is on the Crime EP, and it's asked that people just remember that they were "given hell" by Against Me!

Reinventing Axl Rose is an album name.

Walking is Still Honest is a song title.

That about does it for references. Thanks for the critiquing.

[Varment]

lush lyrics dude judging by your name your into choking victim/ left overcrack man i love those bands lyrics

[nitzguy]

also, the way i interprated the line of "raising my glass", is that you once had respect for their older albums like Crime.. but that me