Bind Them with a Noose - Crit for a crit

[TxAxNxD13]

Bind Them with a Noose

Come in from a long night out
My heads now filled with unwanted doubt
Sitting in my room with no lights on
Lying on my floor, with all thought gone

I would look at ‘em, they would look at me
All our eyes seamed to disagree
Hey man, don’t think we can stay
Don’t mater; you’re not welcome any way

Chorus
Ill company’s still company
Now there’s no one left for these eyes to see
Surely, my mind will die
And I’ll just **** my eyes low and let em cry

They packed there bags, fell out that door
A rumble came, rain began to pour
Lightning lit their eyes, bereft of hope
With dusty hearts, they’ll learn to cope

Canyons line my ridged hands
As I die upon this barren land
My heart falls upon this retched soil
Upon its dust it’ll surely spoil

[TxAxNxD13]

They cencered cuck but with an o instead of a u. But it's not the bad ****. Oh boy.

[Zjanarhi]

Not bad at all. Some of it seemed slightly sophomoric, and the first stanza is self-contradicting in which you say "sitting" and a line later you say "Laying." I won't act smart and say I understand the last of the song, but there's always a way to dumb it down (I hate that phrase) while making the song better. But I do like the second stanza, It rhymes without sounding too cheesy. Very good. C+

Would you care to comment on my song? Midnight Serenade (http://musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=449750). Thank you.