Im The Dreamer, Your The Believer

[theseeyesarecameras]

Im scribbling post religious melodies
with an apron wearing god
as im swilling down my remedies
to see the lighthouse in the fog

the answer to mr developments problems are an 0161 away
"dear mr misery id make you a cold drink sir but i dont want you to stay"
"take yourself to the statue on angels hill and jot yourself a prescription like hemingway"

"but doctor, help cant help the helper"
"what if the doses are wrong"
"what if the chapters are too long"

"mr misery you sound like a door i was once had"
in the old ancoats lab?"

"just run to angels hill and jot your own prescription and if the shakes dont stop you can call me wrong"

"and if not?"

"then the lighthouse and the remedies lie in your songs"

"the verses in your bed
the chorus in the phoneline
when you photocopy clocks
just to save the quite time"

"your the dreamer sir, im just the beliver"

[theseeyesarecameras]

I tried to write something a little bit diffrent in flow, its a hard one to get, but if it all comes true it will catch you.
i also tried to write in alot of conversation, sometimes it got a little bit ontop of me as im only young and my english is limited, this is the problem i have with trying to push forwerd with poetry. "chin up" i guess
i hope you see the side i hope you see
true love
x cavan moran

[StandardStringReject]

it sounds really good, but im not sure i actually understand it... but that's probably because im dumb, not cuz u are.
anyway, it sounds pretty... and it's one of those types that if u put it to music, sum one could probably make a really good music video of it. i like the pictures it puts in my head.

[Society Sellout]

Umm.. I'm not going to do a full critic right now because I don't really have time but I'd just like to say that I did enjoy it. What you could do that would help is clean this up a bit. Capitalize where they are supposed to be and throw in punctuation where they are supposed to be, it would make this a lot more appealing to read. Remember that when someone comes to your thread they will decide weather or not to read it based on how much time looks like has been put in and if you don't even bother to capitalize or punctuate they might just hit the back button and not even bother.

[DeadReligion]

Written too incoherently.