View Full Version : Chuck Norris and His Awesomeness
drumbum562
03-03-2006, 04:52 PM
Yea this is dedicated to Chuck Norris not drum related but I just thought yall would enjoy this.
Chuck Norris doesn’t use a razor to shave in the morning, he roundhouse kicks himself in the face… because the only thing hard enough to cut Chuck Norris, is Chuck Norris
In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.
Chuck Norris often donates blood to the red cross...just not his own
When Chuck Norris runs with scissors, other people get hurt.
Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
Chuck Norris defines love as the reluctance to murder. If you’re still alive, it’s because Chuck Norris loves you.
Chuck Norris has counted to infinity...twice.
There is no theory of evolution, only a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live
crazyguy832
03-03-2006, 04:52 PM
No.
I mean, come on.... Mr. Rogers kicked his *** anyways.
Electric Requiem
03-03-2006, 04:55 PM
No.
I mean, come on.... Mr. Rogers kicked his *** anyways.
what an awesome flash video.
I hate these threads about chuck norris and all the attention lavished upon him of late for no reason.
Its the same jokes over and over and over...
drumbum562
03-03-2006, 04:56 PM
Sorry they were new to me and I found them funny, sorry:upset:
crazyguy832
03-03-2006, 04:57 PM
You've been here since 04 and you've managed to miss all 6000 or so threads with this in it?
o_O
Janeway
03-03-2006, 04:57 PM
AAAAAAAAAH!
**** CHUCK NORRIS! **** CHUCK NORRIS AND HIS STUPID ****ING ***!
I wish somebody would just kill that rat faced mother ****er and all of those inbred cow pies who make up those pathetic fact lists, and all of the idiots who recite them every single day should just have their faces jammed in a blender so they can feed their dear mothers and fathers some nice dumb**** smoothies.
God.
There is nothing I'd love more than to kick everyone of those bloody assholes in the kidneys and then shooting a nail gun through their urethra so they can't piss the blood out and it backs up, leading to their long and humiliating death.
Dammit.
crazyguy832
03-03-2006, 04:58 PM
^^^
:lol:
pwned
Massik Kretal
03-03-2006, 05:05 PM
I think this is the thread of the year.
I agree with Pespi. This Chuck Norris fad isn't funny. He sucks anyway. (http://chuckweak.ytmnd.com/)
Mündo
03-03-2006, 05:26 PM
I've never seen these before...but I've heard a few other chuck norris jokes lately...
i think they're hilarious and welcome more.
oliv_da_skinmasher
03-03-2006, 05:27 PM
I'm waitin for the Texas Ranger theme to come on. I love that show lol
Janeway
03-03-2006, 05:28 PM
http://www.projectj.net/malice/malice2.jpg
God. The japanese do everything better.
They have awesome costumes like that, and what do we have?
SLIPKNOT
Ack.
oliv_da_skinmasher
03-03-2006, 05:30 PM
Yes Slipknot do indeed like to lick balls. Hey at least you got them we got the darkness at the moment.
MeaninglessPhoto
03-03-2006, 05:49 PM
Wow
Pespi, you need to tell that to my friend who sits in front me in 1 of my classes. He says chuck norris **** all of that class. I wanna ****ing slit his throat with a keyboard.
crazyguy832
03-03-2006, 05:54 PM
I agree with Pespi. This Chuck Norris fad isn't funny. He sucks anyway. (http://chuckweak.ytmnd.com/)
Owned.
:chug:
Banshee
03-03-2006, 06:16 PM
I hate chuck Norris.
I wish he would die. Why does everyone obsess over him?
He's not even that great, he gets his as$ kicked by bruce lee.
Knowone i know obsesses over him.
wasnt there a very similar topic a week or 2 ago? ah well.
Norris did have a nice fighting career, when he started acting he was already on his way out tho. I prefer the Vin Diesel fact generator anyway.
Plus he used the Chuck Norris facts to try and promote his own books.
Who knows, maybe these made up one-liners will prompt young people to seek out the real facts as found in my recent autobiographical book, "Against All Odds?" They may even be interested enough to check out my novels set in the Old West, "The Justice Riders," released this month. I'm very proud of these literary efforts.
What a sellout :-\
fishbulb'
03-03-2006, 06:27 PM
Chuck norris is a faggot, i don't see what all the hype is.
DrummerDave96
03-03-2006, 06:30 PM
The actor who played Chewbaca, is actually Chuck Norris's penis.
Chuck Norris jokes are soooo old.
Except for that one.
Sam Bredeson
03-03-2006, 06:30 PM
AAAAAAAAAH!
**** CHUCK NORRIS! **** CHUCK NORRIS AND HIS STUPID ****ING ***!
I wish somebody would just kill that rat faced mother ****er and all of those inbred cow pies who make up those pathetic fact lists, and all of the idiots who recite them every single day should just have their faces jammed in a blender so they can feed their dear mothers and fathers some nice dumb**** smoothies.
God.
There is nothing I'd love more than to kick everyone of those bloody assholes in the kidneys and then shooting a nail gun through their urethra so they can't piss the blood out and it backs up, leading to their long and humiliating death.
Dammit.
I hate people who go out of their way to use bold fonts just so they can swear on an internet forum. The profanity blockers are there for a reason, and that reason is NOT to encourage bold fonts.
Motleyguy
03-03-2006, 06:32 PM
Please threadstarter, and all those who repeat these dumbass, redundant jokes...elimante yourselves from the gene pool.
Massik Kretal
03-03-2006, 06:33 PM
Close
this
thread
:thumb:
AtomShip
03-03-2006, 06:34 PM
AAAAAAAAAH!
**** CHUCK NORRIS! **** CHUCK NORRIS AND HIS STUPID ****ING ***!
I wish somebody would just kill that rat faced mother ****er and all of those inbred cow pies who make up those pathetic fact lists, and all of the idiots who recite them every single day should just have their faces jammed in a blender so they can feed their dear mothers and fathers some nice dumb**** smoothies.
God.
There is nothing I'd love more than to kick everyone of those bloody assholes in the kidneys and then shooting a nail gun through their urethra so they can't piss the blood out and it backs up, leading to their long and humiliating death.
Dammit.
What crawled up this bitches twat...
Splanchnic Ganglion
03-03-2006, 06:39 PM
What crawled up this bitches twat...
you funny bastard, my hat is off to you
I<3DoubleBass
03-03-2006, 06:47 PM
imo, i can deal with slipknot a littlebit better than malice mizer.
****ing japanese fanbois and fangals drooling and fainting over some crossdressing vomit eating weirdos. hell, they make marilyn manson look okay.
on that note, much <3 to cannibal corpse and dying fetus <3 <3
kthx.
White
03-03-2006, 06:50 PM
Chuck Norris Jokes are new to you> god whne willl you find out about Vin Deisle jokes and Bob Saget Jokes, Damn i hate these threads.
Brokensticks
03-03-2006, 06:52 PM
My fav is when Chuck Norris falls in the water he doesn't get wet the water gets Chuck Norris.
Actually all Chuck Norris Facts are derived from Vin Diesel facts. Such as:
When Vin Diesel jumps in the water, Vin doesn't get wet... the water gets Vin.
Vin Diesel actually does have hair... but it can only be seen by the purest of heart.
Vin Diesel can crack walnuts with his anus.
Vin Diesel's tears curecancer, too bad he has never cried.
I submitted a fact with two spaces after a period. Vin Diesel came to my room that night and beat me with a crowbar.
Vin Eats, Great Even Late
And...
Choosey Vins Choose Jif
fishbulb'
03-03-2006, 07:09 PM
I'd rather listen to fall out boy with travis barker drumming than listen to chuck norris jokes...
spike9908
03-03-2006, 07:20 PM
I hate people who go out of their way to use bold fonts just so they can swear on an internet forum. The profanity blockers are there for a reason, and that reason is NOT to encourage bold fonts.
I hate people who go out of their way to point something out that no one else give a flying **** about. Summery, people say what they damn well please, get over it.
and, yes, chuck norris should die. why hasnt this thread been closed yet? I mean, i know jim likes chuck, but he wouldnt let something like this go on.
BigTrav415
03-03-2006, 08:42 PM
I personally think the Chuck Norris jokes are funny and better than most of the other fads like it. At least there is a lot of variety in the one-liners, not "Your mom goes to college" over and over again.
Swiftay
03-03-2006, 08:47 PM
AAAAAAAAAH!
**** CHUCK NORRIS! **** CHUCK NORRIS AND HIS STUPID ****ING ***!
I wish somebody would just kill that rat faced mother ****er and all of those inbred cow pies who make up those pathetic fact lists, and all of the idiots who recite them every single day should just have their faces jammed in a blender so they can feed their dear mothers and fathers some nice dumb**** smoothies.
God.
There is nothing I'd love more than to kick everyone of those bloody assholes in the kidneys and then shooting a nail gun through their urethra so they can't piss the blood out and it backs up, leading to their long and humiliating death.
Dammit.
haha oh pespi, you are just..the best.
Janeway
03-03-2006, 09:11 PM
I hate people who go out of their way to use bold fonts just so they can swear on an internet forum. The profanity blockers are there for a reason, and that reason is NOT to encourage bold fonts.
Oooh, look at you.
Big ****ing brother.
Last time I checked, 189 posts didn't exactly qualify you for mod of the ****ing year, so you should probably just shut up.
Atleast shut the hell up about something so stupid as me using bold letters to swear.
Swear filters are pointless, because those words aren't half as bad as the subjects that come into discussions. Did you find a problem with the video posted of a kid taking a dump in the urnal at taco bell?
I don't think so.
Or what about the thread about the festering bit of iron lodged in someone's scrotum? Did you yell at them for that?
No.
And come on.
It's in a Chuck Norris thread. Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris has absolutely nothing to do with the fine world of percussion. Eat me.
Janeway
03-03-2006, 09:17 PM
imo, i can deal with slipknot a littlebit better than malice mizer.
****ing japanese fanbois and fangals drooling and fainting over some crossdressing vomit eating weirdos. hell, they make marilyn manson look okay.
on that note, much <3 to cannibal corpse and dying fetus <3 <3
kthx.
Um...
Have you seen the fanboys for Slipknot?Generally they're overweight, pimply, and smell like the crust in the bottom of a janitors manties.
They go on just as much as the Malice Mizer fans.
And Malice Mizer is quite a bit more talented than Slipknot will ever be.
Oh, and...drag queens will always be cooler than 35 year old fat guys who dress up like clowns. And last time I checked, Slipknot were the vomit guzzlers.
GhostGrooveMike
03-03-2006, 09:23 PM
harr no one in my school tells those jokes and I guess I'm lucky. Those jokes suck.YAY!!!:amaze:
GhostNote
03-03-2006, 09:36 PM
Oh jeeze. Chuck norris....again.
Pepsi: u ****ing rock man, that is a burn! Man! i really want you toTell that to my friends brother, **** he drives me mad!. i want to murder him elaborately and throw him over a ****ing bridge.
-GN
spike9908
03-03-2006, 09:43 PM
Oh jeeze. Chuck norris....again.
Pepsi: u ****ing rock man, that is a burn! Man! i really want you toTell that to my friends brother, **** he drives me mad!. i want to murder him elaborately and throw him over a ****ing bridge.
-GN
oh no you didn't. its pespi(not that im one to talk, i always say pepsi) but he is a she.
Janeway
03-03-2006, 09:44 PM
Oh no you di'int.
I'm gonna smack you up nizzow.
drummer172
03-03-2006, 09:49 PM
Man, Pespi is owning you guys.
The ONLY funny Vin Diesiel joke is:
Vin Diesel walked down the street with an erection, none survived.
Massik Kretal
03-03-2006, 09:52 PM
Pepsi PWNS this thread! :lol:
GhostNote
03-03-2006, 10:18 PM
oh no you didn't. its pespi(not that im one to talk, i always say pepsi) but he is a she.
Oh, my bad.
she still pwns and that is all that matters
-GN
BigTrav415
03-03-2006, 10:18 PM
Vin Diesel jokes are > than Chuck Norris jokes for the most part me thinks.
Keanu Reeves is the byproduct of Vin Diesel's masurbation.
Greg2k6
03-03-2006, 10:40 PM
www.chucknorrisfacts.com
did he claim credit for them?
Sam Bredeson
03-03-2006, 11:59 PM
Oooh, look at you.
Big ****ing brother.
Last time I checked, 189 posts didn't exactly qualify you for mod of the ****ing year, so you should probably just shut up.
Atleast shut the hell up about something so stupid as me using bold letters to swear.
Swear filters are pointless, because those words aren't half as bad as the subjects that come into discussions. Did you find a problem with the video posted of a kid taking a dump in the urnal at taco bell?
I don't think so.
Or what about the thread about the festering bit of iron lodged in someone's scrotum? Did you yell at them for that?
No.
And come on.
It's in a Chuck Norris thread. Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris has absolutely nothing to do with the fine world of percussion. Eat me.
Yeah, I didn't see either of those. AND I don't have a huge post count. Maybe because I don't spend every waking moment scrounging these forums like some people around here.
FockerTheLopper
03-04-2006, 12:07 AM
Fact: Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris. This is the reason that Chuck Norris IS the best drummer. He has perfect time.
I<3DoubleBass
03-04-2006, 12:45 AM
Um...
Have you seen the fanboys for Slipknot?Generally they're overweight, pimply, and smell like the crust in the bottom of a janitors manties.
They go on just as much as the Malice Mizer fans.
And Malice Mizer is quite a bit more talented than Slipknot will ever be.
Oh, and...drag queens will always be cooler than 35 year old fat guys who dress up like clowns. And last time I checked, Slipknot were the vomit guzzlers.
slipknot eats vomit? i've yet to see this in a music video or onstage or offstage. but i've seen it glorified in one of malice mizers music videos.
jalel
03-04-2006, 07:36 AM
I hate chuck Norris.
I wish he would die. Why does everyone obsess over him?
He's not even that great, he gets his as$ kicked by bruce lee.
Knowone i know obsesses over him.
Well if only you knew how badass Bruce Lee was. That man could kick anybody's ***, plain and simple. Try reading up on him and his ideas on martial arts....
crazyguy832
03-04-2006, 07:49 AM
*smashes thread with paddle*
drumbum562
03-04-2006, 08:03 AM
You've been here since 04 and you've managed to miss all 6000 or so threads with this in it?
o_O
Its true i have bad vision, and Ive never heard a Chuck Norris joke before, maybe I need to get out more or something, again sorry for the bad thread , my bad
*smashes thread with paddle*
:lol:
Der Meister
03-04-2006, 10:26 AM
I hate people who go out of their way to use bold fonts just so they can swear on an internet forum. The profanity blockers are there for a reason, and that reason is NOT to encourage bold fonts.
oh noes, swearing on the intrawebs!
Whatever next? Pornography
guitar321
03-04-2006, 11:28 AM
o...m...f...g some ppl need a life
crazyguy832
03-04-2006, 12:11 PM
Pr0n0!!!!!!1
\m/>_<\m/
Half Life
03-04-2006, 12:27 PM
Haha, jeez, some people get to riled up over this stuff, but then again I agree. Chuck had his 15 minutes of fame now let it die. Although I will admit, some of these jokes are rather funny, but I'm easily amused.
Massik Kretal
03-04-2006, 12:29 PM
So whens this getting closed?
rohbit
03-04-2006, 02:04 PM
There is nothing I'd love more than to kick everyone of those bloody assholes in the kidneys and then shooting a nail gun through their urethra so they can't piss the blood out and it backs up, leading to their long and humiliating death.
Dammit.
Maybe using a "fatal roundhouse kick"?!
Janeway
03-04-2006, 02:40 PM
slipknot eats vomit? i've yet to see this in a music video or onstage or offstage. but i've seen it glorified in one of malice mizers music videos.
Yeah.
The hidden track on their self titled...it's a recording of a guy barfing.
And on stage they vomit on each other.
Plus, it's just a music video.
It's not actually real.
If anybody ever says a Chuck Noris joke, rebut them with a Bruce Lee joke. Bruce Lee kicks his ***.
White
03-04-2006, 05:47 PM
Man, Pespi is owning you guys.
The ONLY funny Vin Diesiel joke is:
Vin Diesel walked down the street with an erection, none survived.
No No No. The best one is either "Vin Diesel Is The Only Person To Ever Beat A Brick Wall In Tennis"
Or
"Vin Diesel Can hit A Backhand In Pong"
drumbum562
03-04-2006, 06:57 PM
Horrible Thread just close it already, sorry everyone
Massik Kretal
03-04-2006, 07:07 PM
Damn 3 pages....
White
03-04-2006, 07:09 PM
Damn 3 pages....
Yup. 3 Pages of Pointless crap. Yet Fun. Pointless crap.
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