Freestyle Writing

[DaveIsWrong]

I trace the lines in my pillowcase
And watch as they slowly spell your name;
But simple illusions can keep me occupied for only so long,
So writing simple rhymes will occupy the rest till next time I see you 'round.

You're beautiful. You are. You're beautiful. Stunning
Repetition coaxes belief. So, do you believe me?
Alluring. Angelic. Wonderful. Statuesque. Charming. Splendid. Elegant.
Cute. Ravishing. Radiant. Enticing. Exquisite. Pretty. Marvelous. Lovely.
Magnificent. Graceful. Grand. Fascinating. Gorgeous. Breathtaking.
Repetetion coaxes belief. Believe me yet?

Say something, say anything.
I'll hang on the edge of my seat as you breathe symphonies.

Cliche, I know. Trite. Unoriginal. But I'm in the Valentine's mood. Tear it to pieces.

[DeadReligion]

I trace the lines in my pillowcase
And watch as they slowly spell your name;
But simple illusions can keep me occupied for only so long,
So writing simple rhymes will occupy the rest till next time I see you 'round.
^ This actually wasn't bad, I hate V-Day stuff though... but I like the pillowcase idea.

You're beautiful. You are. You're beautiful. Stunning
Repetition coaxes belief. So, do you believe me?
Alluring. Angelic. Wonderful. Statuesque. Charming. Splendid. Elegant.
Cute. Ravishing. Radiant. Enticing. Exquisite. Pretty. Marvelous. Lovely.
Magnificent. Graceful. Grand. Fascinating. Gorgeous. Breathtaking.
Repetetion coaxes belief. Believe me yet?^ And it falls apart...completely. Adjectives are meant to be worked in the lines, woven, not adjective adjective adjective...it gets annoying. The last line was cool though. But too many goddamn adjectives.

Say something, say anything.
I'll hang on the edge of my seat as you breathe symphonies.
^ The edge of the seat, as well as the first line, isn't that great, "breathing symphonies" is cool though.

7/10. It's not bad, not great though. "Misshapen Duality" < please?

[Sloth]

This definately has that typical gagging smell that freewrites usually have...BUT...it IS a freewrite and if you know anything about me and my writing, I'm ALL about freewrites..So I'll give you pat on the back for that...

With that said...the first and last parts don't bother me too much...BUT.. the entire middle stanza grotesquely (sp?) annoyes me.. I got the feeling that you THOUGHT about and too much about what to write---Thinking being the worst thing to do when freewriting...Thinking destroys a freewrite... But other than that, it wasn't bad

[BassMan182]

I trace the lines in my pillowcase
And watch as they slowly spell your name;
But simple illusions can keep me occupied for only so long,
So writing simple rhymes will occupy the rest till next time I see you 'round.

You're beautiful. You are. You're beautiful. Stunning
Repetition coaxes belief. So, do you believe me?
Alluring. Angelic. Wonderful. Statuesque. Charming. Splendid. Elegant.
Cute. Ravishing. Radiant. Enticing. Exquisite. Pretty. Marvelous. Lovely.
Magnificent. Graceful. Grand. Fascinating. Gorgeous. Breathtaking.
Repetetion coaxes belief. Believe me yet?

Say something, say anything.
I'll hang on the edge of my seat as you breathe symphonies.

Cliche, I know. Trite. Unoriginal. But I'm in the Valentine's mood. Tear it to pieces.

like it! the adjectives get a little tiresome but it's made up for with the line "repetition coaxes belief".

the only thing i didn't like was the "you're beautiful" lines... and you can thank mr. james blunt for that...