I saw johnny (crit for crit)

[Varment]

This is basicilly a fast skacore ploitical song inspired by choking victim/left over crack, like aggressive ska punk music, the song already has rhytm so you dont need to coment on the flow.

When Johnny was younger he wanted to be a chef,
but now he’s a corrupted officer snorting crystal meth
An infinite supply of drugs from what’s been confiscated,
Brainwashed my media another boy in blue sedated
Johnny and 6 other men pile in the truck,
driving down the other side of town for a midnight ruck
beat them till they bleed mugging junkies for their drugs,
kick em’ in the face while they’re cuffed, police are the real thugs

I saw Johnny after dark smoking crack-cocaine
I saw Johnny at the park injecting scag into his veins
A bunch of crooked cops addicted to smack
Hunting junkies and gangsters in a wolf pack

Job description to beat, cuss and cage the poor,
and collecting bribes from the local donut store
Another dictated mindless zombie,
jailing innocents and throwing away the key
When they need money they’ll put a random in jail
Hoping someone cares and will pay them the bail
If not, then they’ll leave them to rot Banged up and forgotten
Decaying in their misery, wishing for their liberty

I saw Johnny after dark smoking crack-cocaine
I saw Johnny at the park injecting scag into his veins
A bunch of crooked cops addicted to smack
Hunting junkies and gangsters in a wolf pack

[Ducky_72]

I like how you have a strong idea of what the song is about but you need to work on the rhyme scheme...

Chef/meth
Truck/ruck
Zombie/key

These seem really unnatural and forced.

[jb6oclock]

This was interesting, everybody thinks about it and knows its out there but noone sings about it except rappers, and in my opinion they just talk about it over a loop. I think you mentioned the "crooked cops" too much, it was established in the first stanza that's what the song was about. I personally disagree with the above crit, I feel that rhymes are a neccesity in a song and you did a fair job of using them (except truck/ruck) too cheezy. Any way I think it is well written for the most part and a good story. 7.4/10

[OnDesolationRow]

This is well-written, and you have a good control of rhythm. I agree that the rhymes are largely well-executed and don't seem forced.
The imagery of the "donut store" might be considered a stereotypical and cliched anti-police rhetoric (and indeed the entire song could be dismissed as extreme, rabid and unjustified, but I'm not going to get into that at all). Though if you're intention is humourous then this will not be too much of a problem.

[Tonys_Theme]

When I read these lyrics, my first reaction was to think of Streetlight Manifesto, Catch 22; Tomas style. I think I can hear the rhythm you are going for and with a little tweaking I think these lyrics could be very, very nice.

[bassaholica2004]

Some of the rhyming seems a bit forced, and the meter might not fit all the time, but overall I liked it a lot. The message was great; it was very aggressive and straightforward. The imagery was great too. With a few corrections I think this would be a great ska song.