lost in translation

[blink182markhoppus]

just wanted some help with this song ive written. anyone with suggestions can throw stuff in. its about a boy whose girl friend broke up with him and he is confused and sad.

verse
caught off guard
its my fault
i feel lost and all alone
seasons pass
pictures fall

ok i need one more line then itll be chorus but i dont have any idea on how to put something in there.

[Steerpike]

The last two lines are the only ones worth keeping.

You have a bit of a handicap in that this is one of the most cliched songwriting topics of all. That doesn't mean you shouldn't try, it just means that you need something to differentiate your song from the sea of crappy ones out there about the same topic.

You need to figure out a rhyme scheme and a flow for the verses and another for the chorus. Don't rush it, it'll come to you.

[DeadReligion]

Good job ripping off a perfectly good movie. Lol, jk. Steerpike hit the nail on the head.