short song

[morgan_dorffer]

I wrote this for my boyfriend for valentine's day. i know the lyrics are short but there's more music.


Don't wake me up
Don't end this dream
I'll stay with you, if you will with me

You have my kiss
You own my smile
You hold my heart in your arms

Don't wake me up
Don't wake me up

[Silverhammer]

it's definitely short and sweet which, is guess, makes it a nice valentine's gift. there is much i can comment on though as for structure and all that jazz but one part that sounds kind of tangled is the "if you will with me" the syntax of that is way out of whack but i understand why, for the sake of not having to repeat stay and to fall into that cheesy sound since this gives it a more poetic feel, but it's just odd to say and it sounds a bit messy. nonetheless, it's an okay piece, well done.

[jb6oclock]

Yes I agree hard to crit, this sounds like something you should write on a valentines day card not sing and write music to but I hope he enjoys it either way.0/10

[DeadReligion]

As far as a song/poem, this has cliche and bland written over it. However, for the purpose you stated, as a V-Day present, I'm sure he'll love it.