cloudbursts

[slack]

...

[TojesDolan]

Hey. crit in hope to get one back. <_<

The first verse sets the mood amazingly for what's to come. However, I still think cutting out some the's and a's is a good idea. Nonetheless, this things make the reading and flow easier... So it's all up to your aim on it.

Second one goes for the same pattern.

I liked what you have to say in here, it's pretty deep, yet it isn't as textually diverse or complex as it'd have normally been. The metaphors towards light/good/yabadayabada is all tight, so yeah the overall idea is quite great. Very straight and synthetized.