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dwdrumsmash1
02-10-2006, 11:08 AM
I'm in a heavy rock band - heres the lyrics from one of our newest songs that I wrote.

Epitome Of Hate

You took it all, I'm left with none -
My afterlife has just begun -
I'm left to die, you'll rot in hell -
A walking man in Satan's Shell.

ALTHOUGH I FIGHT TO STAY ALIVE -
MY SOUL WITHIN BEGINS TO DIE -
I CAN'T CRAWL BACK I'VE LOST IT ALL -
THE ONLY THING TO DO IS FALL!

-CHORUS-
Pure Epitome of Hate!
My psycotic minds a stake!
Wash and purge me from my sins -
Less that I should start again.
In the Valley of Dispair -
Signed the book with blood to spare.
Pricked my finger by a pin -
Less that I should bleed again.
-END-

I'd like nothing more to LIVE AGAIN -
But can't because of MORTAL SIN -
I fell to far, I can't COME BACK -
My soul within begins to CRACK!

AND WITH A HEAVY HEART I CHOOSE MY FATE -
AND THEN IT COMES BY NO MISTAKE!
TO WAGE A WAR IN DEPTHS OF HELL -
WITH HEART OF HATE MY SOUL IT FELL.

-CHORUS-
Pure Epitome of Hate,
My psycotic minds at stake!
Wash and purge me from my sins,
Less that I should start again.
In the Valley of Dispair,
Signed the book with blood to spare.
Pricked my finger by a pin,
Less that I should bleed again.
-END-

I landed there NO BREATHE AGAIN -
The flames to hot they SCORCHED THE SKIN!
And burned straight through my BLACKEND HEART -
And broke my blacked soul APPART!

BROKEN DOWN AND FULL OF SIN -
SATAN'S BREATH IS CLOSING IN!
HEART OF LEAD AND TEARS OF SHAME!
WITH NO ONE BUT MYSELF TO BLAME [X2]

-BRIDGE-
Night is here, the lights grow dim -
Pitch black, dark night is closing in -
Sufficating hard to breathe -
Release the boy and let him be.
NIGHT IS HERE THE LIGHS GROW DIM -
PITCH BLACK DARK NIGHT IS CLOSNG IN
SUFFICATING HARD TO BREATHE!
RELEASE THE BOY AND LET HIM BE!
-END-

-CHORUS-
Pure Epitome of Hate!
My psycotic minds at stake!
Wash and purge me from my sins,
Less that I should start again!
In the Valley of Dispair,
I signed the book with blood to spare!
Pricked my finger by a pin,
Less that I should bleed again!

slack
02-10-2006, 02:02 PM
Everything about this, and especially the title, reads like a generic metal lyric. And you have all the staples of a generic lyric, too, considering the references to sin, hell, satan, blood, Valley of Despair™, and soul. The serious tone of the work had the opposite effect on me, and I couldn't help a brief smile after reading this.

100% cliche in the context of other metal lyrics.

6.

HumanSlaughterHouse
02-10-2006, 03:19 PM
Dude rock on, do you have a website... if not I would like to work with you for your band...my band is human slaughter house...
and after writing over 100 song lyrics...this is one to be known! I love it and I should know a good song...please write like this alot more... you're an awesome writer thank you for letting me read that!

HumanSlaughterHouse
02-10-2006, 03:19 PM
oh sorry 10!

DeadReligion
02-10-2006, 03:41 PM
No caps needed. No exclamation points. Also, it helps your credibility (and gains you some respect) if people around here think you've got the intelligence required to correctly spell words like "despair" and "so". This was, like many beginner's lyrics, bland, cliche, and angsty, and has an awful rhyme scheme.

dwdrumsmash1
02-10-2006, 04:21 PM
Aight well I must agree with the comments. I wrote what my band members wanted, some screaming metal ****, which really doesn't define my musical taste. Anywho, I apologize for the "DESPAIR" issue, and I do know how to spell SO, and the reason for the caps, is to show where the screaming is, the whole song isn't screamed.

anyway, i'll leve more lyrics on here so you guys get a better taste of my writing. thanks for the comments!

dwdrumsmash1
02-10-2006, 04:22 PM
by the way, you can check us out at www.fallingsilent.com or www.myspace.com/fallingsilentband

HumanSlaughterHouse
02-10-2006, 04:50 PM
thanks for your link....love the album cover...just not the say...
I lie naked in your blood! lol...just not cutie when you kill... Still love the song...and I understood your caps, thats how I write as well...louder grawl is caps...small grawl lower...

HumanSlaughterHouse
02-10-2006, 04:51 PM
is this a slow song? or a fast paced song?

DeadReligion
02-11-2006, 10:50 AM
We don't need to know where the screams are. We base our judgements solely on the lyrics themselves.