"Fighting To Get Rid Of You"

[autumnhope]

we cant keep this up much longer,
believe me im lying when i say,we can go on forever,
the truth is i couldnt stand one more second
here with you,im not with you

i tried to fill this verse with all these hateful words,
meant to keep going but i came down with a thirst,
just like you sucked the liquid from my body,
leaving me here dried up and left with nothing,

keep in mind i've been up all night,
fighting off the thoughts of you that i like,
only because you make me miserable,
so i cant help but want to hate you.


what do you think?theres always room for improvement.

[jb6oclock]

I thought this song had poor flow all the way through but especially here.....


you've changed so much,dont even have the same name,
used to be perfect but now its insane,wasnt even talking about our,
relationship,
but now that it comes to mind i guess it applies for it too,

also thurst=THIRST

I don't me to be harsh but I havent heard the music to this. I would say you should incorperate a couple rhyme schemes and come up with some kind of chorus to repeat in the song.

I give it a 3.6/10 as it stands. By the way welcome to the forum and keep writing you can only get better.

[autumnhope]

hey well thanks for your comment.i can use all the advice i can get.

[YerbaMalaNVG]

thats what i call "good soul"