Bagpiper's Epitaph

[DeadReligion]

Bagpiper’s Epitaph/Beach Funeral For a Piper

(Verse 1)
The colors of an odd night sky, invade my retinas.
Navy blue, turquoise and sea green, a little light, in the evening.
While I’m on a beach, violet waves fall on dark tan sands in the darkness of night.
Sounds emerge from headphones to my delicate ears.
Bagpipes, mixed with ambience.
Linnets sing on boulders, while I lie on my blanket, somewhere.
Linage prevents another written in ink, a thought that will sink and fade.

(Verse 2)
Sitting on a beach somewhere, with Irish music humming away in my ears.
Ambient birds and violet crashes on tan disturb not even the smallest living thing.
I take out a whiskey bottle, and keep it close to my heart.
The music, the colors, and the alcohol, is all, that kept me alive.
As I sit listening, waiting to be transferred to the sky.
Lint on my blanket, I can't tolerate, the sudden instance of fate. Collisions.
Linage prevents another written in ink, a thought that will sink and fade.

(Verse 3)
Written in black, a bagpiper’s epitaph.
Words burned into my soul, before flying to pearly gates.
The piper has paid himself.
Another holy son, impaled by a blade of the Holy Trinity.
One last song, blew out from my pipes, while linnets sang at the top of the gates.
And I took the final step to cross over.

[PurpleHaze420]

Hum. Well I have to say I wasnt expecting to read this kind of material. Its good man. Real good. Most people cant really write about a topic like that. Well, and make good lyrics out of it. You definitly pulled that off.
Great use of words.
Great work.

Take it easy.

[deathscreamingsheep]

There's been a rising amount of funeral themed songs amongst more regular posters in S&L I notice (ATC, you, RollerQueen and others), maybe I suppose to counteract the St.V day nauseating poems we're getting.

The colors of an odd night sky, invade my retinas.
Navy blue, turquoise and sea green, a little light, in the evening.
While I’m on a beach, violet waves fall on dark tan sands in the darkness of night.
Sounds emerge from headphones to my delicate ears.
Bagpipes, mixed with ambience.
Linnets sing on boulders, while I lie on my blanket, somewhere.
Linage prevents another written in ink, a thought that will sink and fade.

It's a good start. Very sensory, though I think that colour is used a bit too much to convey the mood, perhaps shape too might help. I feel that repeating dark in line 3 is a bad idea though, perhaps another synonym or something else that might suggest darkness. Also, describing colour in a 'dark' setting- metaphorical or not is slightly odd and not really backed up in the lines- perhaps a dusk would be better for the sensory imagary.

It's got a lovely relaxed feel which I really enjoy though.

Sitting on a beach somewhere, with Irish music humming away in my ears.
Ambient birds and violet crashes on tan disturb not even the smallest living thing.
I take out a whiskey bottle, and keep it close to my heart.
The music, the colors, and the alcohol, is all, that kept me alive.
As I sit listening, waiting to be transferred to the sky.
Lint on my blanket, I can't tolerate, the sudden instance of fate. Collisions.
Linage prevents another written in ink, a thought that will sink and fade.

Your words are hauntingly beautiful and I like it. It goes from a relaxed almost comfortable sensation in the first stanza to a sorrowful but still peaceful scene in stanza 2. The 3rd and 4th lines aren't very subtle but they certainly get a point across. The repetition that occurs in this second stanza I feel is certainly a good thing.

Written in black, a bagpiper’s epitaph.
Words burned into my soul, before flying to pearly gates.
The piper has paid himself.
Another holy son, impaled by a blade of the Holy Trinity.
One last song, blew out from my pipes, while linnets sang at the top of the gates.
And I took the final step to cross over.

"Written in black, a bagpiper’s epitaph. Words burned into my soul," is slightly overused and is fairly boring compared to your other lines, but it works so I suggest keeping it.

I didn't like the 3rd stanza as much. You seem to be unable to restrain yourself from direct Catholic imagary and I don't think it fits well with the sensory ideas with softer religious imagary in the first two stanzas.

However, it is a fitting end in that it really does capture that melancholy feeling.

I liked the poem, it's pretty different to your usual stuff though still obviously your style.

8/10.