Swing Life Away35
02-08-2006, 06:48 PM
Alright this is my first work that I've posted on this part of the boards as I'm a small-time Pit and Guitar poster. I'm new to this forum so if you'd like a crit, link me, but it probably won't be that good.
Verse1
Dreamer girl, you sleep so peacefully
Amidst our limbs all in a tangle.
Doves fly with grace all through your head,
And rushing keys that used to jangle,
Muffle in your placid nap.
As the sun sets with drowsy glee,
I’m sure the moon shall rise,
But for your soul’s serenity.
Chorus
And I can see you dreamin’
Of all the things you truly wish.
I see your thoughts reeling
Towards a waking that is my kiss.
In your semiconscious paradise,
Your are my dreamer girl.
Verse 2
I can feel on your head, which lies in my lap,
The summer winds in your long blond hair.
Holding you now, in your blissful slumber,
Makes me wish that we were there.
But alas, it is the winter,
As usual, we’re in you basement.
A stifled cough, a sniffled sigh,
They’re your solitary statements.
Thru Outro:
Dreamer girl, I love your sleepy smile.
P.S.---
How do you guys learn to crit stuff anyways?
Verse1
Dreamer girl, you sleep so peacefully
Amidst our limbs all in a tangle.
Doves fly with grace all through your head,
And rushing keys that used to jangle,
Muffle in your placid nap.
As the sun sets with drowsy glee,
I’m sure the moon shall rise,
But for your soul’s serenity.
Chorus
And I can see you dreamin’
Of all the things you truly wish.
I see your thoughts reeling
Towards a waking that is my kiss.
In your semiconscious paradise,
Your are my dreamer girl.
Verse 2
I can feel on your head, which lies in my lap,
The summer winds in your long blond hair.
Holding you now, in your blissful slumber,
Makes me wish that we were there.
But alas, it is the winter,
As usual, we’re in you basement.
A stifled cough, a sniffled sigh,
They’re your solitary statements.
Thru Outro:
Dreamer girl, I love your sleepy smile.
P.S.---
How do you guys learn to crit stuff anyways?