Pitchfork's worst review

[br3ad_man]

Since we do enjoy making fun of pitchfork in here, I thought it might be a fun, non serious idea to find what we all think is their worst review.

I don't know if this is a silly idea or not, but these two reviews sure are funny to read:

http://pitchforkmedia.com/record-reviews/j/jimmy-eat-world/clarity.shtml
http://pitchforkmedia.com/record-reviews/t/tool/lateralus.shtml


Those are my votes for the moment. See what you guys can come up with.

[Sound Boy]

man i dont even goto that site anymore. they're all pretentious a-holes if you ask me

[MemoryMachine]

Since we do enjoy making fun of pitchfork in here, I thought it might be a fun, non serious idea to find what we all think is their worst review.

I don't know if this is a silly idea or not, but these two reviews sure are funny to read:

http://pitchforkmedia.com/record-reviews/j/jimmy-eat-world/clarity.shtml
http://pitchforkmedia.com/record-reviews/t/tool/lateralus.shtml


Those are my votes for the moment. See what you guys can come up with.

That Lateralus review, if we're judging by the way it reviews the album, is crap, but its absolutely hilarious. Add the Louis XIV review to that pile aswell.

[Dave de Sylvia]

Oasis - Heathen Chemistry (http://www.pitchforkmedia.com/record-reviews/o/oasis/heathen-chemistry.shtml)

He completely overlooks the album, but it's hilarious.

[Dave de Sylvia]

Woah guys talk about overdoing the already hackneyed mock-interview technique

[Kyle]

http://pitchforkmedia.com/record-reviews/w/warlocks/surgery.shtml

This is pitifully written. Sylvester is responsible for both the worst (above) and the best (http://pitchforkmedia.com/record-reviews/j/jet/get-born.shtml) reviews on the site.:lol: at Jet review.

[I Was A Kaleidoscope]

http://www.pitchforkmedia.com/record-reviews/d/daft-punk/daft-club.shtml

This one is really funny.

[elnicky]

That Jet review is pretty good.

[RIP Ian Curtis]

The Jet review is awesome, f'uck I hate those guys. I think John Howard (and all of us Australians) owe the rest of the world an apology for Jet.

[Zmev]

http://pitchforkmedia.com/record-reviews/o/oasis/dont-believe-the-truth.shtml

[Jawaharal]

Their concept reviews are annoying. That tool review was horrid :lol:

http://pitchforkmedia.com/record-reviews/n/nine-inch-nails/fragile.shtml
Brent DiCrescenzo is probably the worst reviewer.

[Pale-Folklore]

http://pitchforkmedia.com/record-reviews/t/tool/lateralus.shtml


man, that is HORRIBLE

actually i cant say i understood the review at all

[br3ad_man]

He kept jumping around from talking about how crappy Tool are to mocking Tool fans saying that they are the greatest band ever. At least that's how I saw it.

[YDload]

I like their review for "Frances the Mute" because it shows that Pitchfork is only doing with words what The Mars Volta have done to music.

[bubbledeath]

Oh, god.

This is (yet again) one of those moments where I wonder how the hell writers like that get published and read. I can't stand Pitchfork.

[pikester]

http://pitchforkmedia.com/record-reviews/a/audioslave/out-of-exile.shtml

I'm not entirely sure how it wound up with a 6.8. It wasn't exactly a good album.

Also, wasn't one of their reviews a picture of "Do you want to delete (whatever the album was) to the recycle bin?" and the cursor over yes? I seem to remember someone posting that once.

[pikester]

Ah, found it.

http://www.tinymixtapes.com/musicreviews/n/nine_inch_nails.htm

[el doctor]

http://pitchforkmedia.com/record-reviews/c/coltrane_john/live-at-the-village-vanguard.shtml
He be some cool cat.

http://www.pitchforkmedia.com/record-reviews/o/orourke_jim/halfway-to-a-threeway.shtml
Just because half of the review is a sob story about how Jim O'Rourke doesn't like him.

[Sacksy]

http://pitchforkmedia.com/record-reviews/f/flaming-lips/zaireeka.shtml

this one

[dilettante]

i liked the flaming lips review.

[Sacksy]

you would

[tgadrummer]

in terms of worst-written, definitely the review of At The Drive-In's Relationship of Command. read it, it's hilariously bad.

[Wanker]

http://pitchforkmedia.com/record-reviews/m/mars-volta/frances-the-mute.shtml

It's sub-par, but this part is great:

Despite its long-windedness, Frances the Mute doesn't require a long attention span: It's as mesmeric as it is mercurial. Like an effective pop novelist, the Mars Volta manage to convey vast amounts of information in easily digestible fashion without saying much at all. Zone out to the closing 30-minute "Cassandra Gemini" for proof: Even at this length, the track seems brief, sailing by in stupefyingly uneventful fashion. What may at first seem like extraordinary, ceaseless fluidity gradually sublimates into wah-wah wish-wash. Smoke a bowl first if you need to, but nothing short of opium will convince me that there aren't more productive ways to spend 30 minutes trying to fell a redwood with a plastic spoon than listening to this beast.

hehe

[italic zero]

http://pitchforkmedia.com/record-reviews/o/oasis/dont-believe-the-truth.shtml
That wasn't that bad.

[Dave de Sylvia]

That wasn't that bad.
I think it's been corrected since, because I remember at the time he'd gotten like half the song titles wrong. Plus he's just wrong about the drummer thing.

[Jawaharal]

http://pitchforkmedia.com/record-reviews/f/flaming-lips/zaireeka.shtml

this one
ya, that sucked

[Aeaon]

Meh, I don't do to that website much. All they do is make fun of good albums as if they know jack **** about music.

[YDload]

in terms of worst-written, definitely the review of At The Drive-In's Relationship of Command. read it, it's hilariously bad.

I wanted to say that as well, but I couldn't find the review on their site.

Basically, it takes the form of a Bush v. Gore debate (since they were both running for president in 2000 when the album came out). It just reads like a ripoff of the Saturday Night Live presidential debate skits with Will Farrell and Darrell Hammond. Plus, whoever wrote it really didn't know a thing about ATDI or politics.

[6Stringer]

Since we do enjoy making fun of pitchfork in here, I thought it might be a fun, non serious idea to find what we all think is their worst review.

I don't know if this is a silly idea or not, but these two reviews sure are funny to read:

http://pitchforkmedia.com/record-reviews/j/jimmy-eat-world/clarity.shtml
http://pitchforkmedia.com/record-reviews/t/tool/lateralus.shtml


Those are my votes for the moment. See what you guys can come up with.

I'm convinced the writers at Pitchfork have no lifes at all. From the Lateralus review: "You can really hear the 8x8 and 10x10 toms in the opening for 'Ticks & Leeches.' Over the summer, I counted the number of tom hits in that song, and it's 1,023"

:lol:

[Iai]

Clearly, the irony is not lost on you.

[Dave de Sylvia]

Clearly, the irony is not lost on you.
hahahahahahahahahahahahaha




http://www.pitchforkmedia.com/record-reviews/a/at-the-drive-in/relationship-of-command.shtml

I didn't read past the first question; it was terrible. It's like one of those terrible insurance ads on TV where the actors subtly slip vivid details of the product into a conversation about clouds or whatever

[Little Man being Erased]

Gosh, that's lame.

[bubbledeath]

I love how Pitchfork pretend not to take themselves seriously and do "original" and "witty" reviews where they use a totally different format, and then use their stupidtasticly disgusting adjectives and adverbs to make themselves seem like intellectuals so that the hipsters won't panic.

[YDload]

I'm convinced the writers at Pitchfork have no lifes at all. From the Lateralus review: "You can really hear the 8x8 and 10x10 toms in the opening for 'Ticks & Leeches.' Over the summer, I counted the number of tom hits in that song, and it's 1,023"

:lol:

Clearly this plebian is unable to comprehend the nuances of a sufficiently satisfying satirical lambasting of Tool, the most unnecessarily melodramatic and bombastic group of wayward minstrels in this modern epoch. Hie back to your daytime soap operas and other "bread and circuses" diversions before the sheer grandiloquence of a Pitchfork review completely warps your fragile psyche!

[dilettante]

Pitchfork has not written any bad reviews.

[br3ad_man]

Wow, you've read them all? I'm impressed.

[Dave de Sylvia]

Wow, you've read them all? I'm impressed.
He doesn't need to. He can infer from the literary gems on offer in this thread that the site is impervious to mediocrity.

[br3ad_man]

I thought it might have been something like that

[Iai]

This thread rocks.

[dilettante]

My favorite review was Weezer's Make Believe. Nothing too great about it, but I used to love them, and died when Make Believe came out. It was so bad that I threw it away.