You look it up

[AndNico]

the reformity wolf found the only know antidote
because i can't speak of dispute.
We're gunna do all the work-you know the way
Possabillity is a bummer--Its all you got
Tonight a desease will take her hands, her eyes, her mouth
then walk to look-to choose-and design
Look fourth at what we got left...40 years
Registered situations might give you drinks but i gotta stick a house
Will the defence not allow the keys to time?
The real issue here lately is the scar we've set
The temperature is the best in not reducing active pills
If its fame some things got, they dont need that power
It just looks like details to proove
So called space gives you it's attention
.You look it up

[AndNico]

bump man

[Sword2020]

the reformity warewolf found the only know antidote
because i can't speak of dispute.
We're gunna do all the work-you know the way
Possabillity is a bummer--Its all you got

(This kinda jumps right in, and immediately I'm confused. I'm sure you know what it means, but you've lost me completely. Also, maybe don't use the word "Bummer".)

Tonight a desease will take her hands, her eyes, her mouth
then walk to look-to choose-and design
Look fourth at what we got left...40 years
Registered situations might give you drinks but i gotta stick a house

(Still I'm totally confused, I guess it could work when you're singing, but as a poem it is way too cryptic, especially the last line "I gotta stick a house?"

Will the defence not allow the keys to time?
The real issue here lately is the scar we've set
The temperature is the best in not reducing active pills
If its fame some things got, they dont need that power

(This is better, it flows a little better, and somehow, it seems a little more together, plus it just sounds good.)

It just looks like details to proove
So called space gives you it's attention
.You look it up

(I liek the lsat line here, I like how the song ends like that. Wait, I just thought of something, is song about a hallucination or something of that sort, because otherwise I don't get it at all.


Overall, I think you got the point, but I don't think anyone else will. I think you could pull it off, I don't know how it sounds, but maybe clean it a up a bit.

-Sword

[AndNico]

rad, thanks...the main reason in this peice is to sound good with music

[AndNico]

Bump!

[AndNico]

come on people!
only one crit?

[TxAxNxD13]

Well, i like the pholosiphy behind it, and i totally get the point, but were's the pazaz?

[AndNico]

uhhh...it went bowling...yes i know..i told him not to go because of his broken finger...but you know how pazaz is...always takin' chances

[DeadReligion]

I believe that's pizzaz, boys.

P.S. You know I love it, even though it makes no friggin' sense.

[slickathenyou]

I completely don't get where you're coming from, but I get the feeling that's what you want the song to be like. But for this, you'd have to put it on a CD with your lyrics sheet inside, otherwise people couldn't discern what you're saying at a concert. Just so I can know, what kind of backing does it have.

[AndNico]

...what do You think the backing is?