Should I? (Unedited, needs critique)

[MusicalPariah]

Hey guys. This song is almost brand new, I worked on it for a while and this is what I got. This is one I'm kind of proud of, the only real problem I have with it is the chorus, which is where I'd take some help if someone offered it. Thanks for reading...enjoy.


safety in a crowd never came so hard
even when I’m with you I’m alone
it’s like the blackest light in your eyes
that turns my heart to stone

what to do when I turn my back
and let down my guard for you
I can’t just swallow it whole
but I can trust a face so true

should I trust you
I believe that you’re here
but I never knew you
so why the hollow fear?

should you trust me
I believe you shouldn’t
I’m not most honest
but I don’t know why you wouldn’t

should I?

hidden in your heart so dark and gray
even in this place I’m so alone
it’s like hiding in the darkest corner
and I dig the needle deep to the bone

what to do when the seasons change
and summer cools down to fall
I’ll keep warm by the candle
and I’ll keep my back to the wall

should I trust you
I believe that you’re here
but I never knew you
so why the hollow fear?

should you trust me
I believe you shouldn’t
I’m not most honest
but I don’t know why you wouldn’t

should I?

what to do when I fall asleep
and you keep yourself awake
should I dream about you
even if the feeling is fake?

what to do when I think about you
hidden inside your white dreams
this whole kingdom just fell down
life is not what it ever seemed

should I trust you
I believe that you’re here
but I never knew you
so why the hollow fear?

should you trust me
I believe you shouldn’t
I’m not most honest
but I don’t know why you wouldn’t

should I?

should I trust you
I believe that you’re here
but I never knew you
so why the hollow fear?

should you trust me
I believe you shouldn’t
I’m not most honest
but I don’t know why you wouldn’t

should I?

should I?

I should

[DeadReligion]

First of all, a lot of this repeats it self...bad.

safety in a crowd never came so hard
even when I’m with you I’m alone
it’s like the blackest light in your eyes
that turns my heart to stone
^ This is good, really reminds me of Monk...from the show.

what to do when I turn my back
and let down my guard for you
I can’t just swallow it whole
but I can trust a face so true
^ Maybe you should just call this "An Ode To Detective Monk"...

hidden in your heart so dark and gray
even in this place I’m so alone
it’s like hiding in the darkest corner
and I dig the needle deep to the bone

what to do when the seasons change
and summer cools down to fall
I’ll keep warm by the candle
and I’ll keep my back to the wall
^ Okay, this reminds me much less of Monk. It's okay, seasons are a bit over used. I like the fourth line...

what to do when I fall asleep
and you keep yourself awake
should I dream about you
even if the feeling is fake?

what to do when I think about you
hidden inside your white dreams
this whole kingdom just fell down
life is not what it ever seemed^ The seventh line is good, the rest just bores me.

I'm not going to crit the rest, all the should I stuff, should just be removed. It's repetitive, and boring. 5/10.

Can you crit my "Dicta Of The Weak-Minded"?