1st song I wrote

[jesUSAves]

Now I guess this is the deal Verse 1
So many people, that think
He ain't real
Everyone sneers
Says "Give me some proof."
If you knew He was real
Would you belive me?
If I could prove it to you
beyond the shadow of doubt
would you belive me?
My reason for Him?
Just look at how we're made
How every cell is given life
How they all fit together
one perfect device
It's not by chance this happens every day
It's all controlled by the One who gave

I'm not ashamed of what He said Chorus
Not ashamed to start again
Are you afraid it all will end?
Not ashamed of the life I chose
Not ashamed i won't let go




That's all so far. Is this a good start?

[DeadReligion]

Well, beyond the fact I'm atheist, I still didn't like this. Blunt, image-less, boring, without metaphors, similes, or anything to make it original in any way, and a lack of any good vocabulary. I'm not trying to flame you, I'm saying you should work on creating those things. I can't really give an in-depth on this, only because it'd be way too repetitive. Also, its hardly a original, I mean Christianity already has a whole genre devoted to singing about Christianity.

http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=430738
^ I really hope you can read this, take it seriously, and not flame me. It's not exactly anti-religion, not in a mean way, its not pro-religion either.

[gibsongirl]

hmmm my beef w/ religious music is that i feel like youve already got your songs written for you. ya know? so many people have written this same song. i have no problem, however, in you writing to celebrate your faith. i think you need to dig deeper with your subject matter, and be a little sneakier. then people can hear your song and you can say "its about my God" and they can be all about the "wow! really?" and love you forever. i dont mean to say cover your message up, just do it in a totally original way.

i guess i just repeated the Crit above, but yea. its true. don't stop trying tho, there are a LOT of awesome christian bands, which even I, a non religious person, has come to adore.

[Drew! at the disco]

i liked it....but maybe its just because i love God...ha ha.

they do have a point...worship songs do sometimes have the same titles, sounds, etc..but that is what makes you like them.

[slickathenyou]

Lol, has anyone ever seen the South Park episode where Cartman does Christian rock? That's new and original... lol. That's basically my view on christian rock, its all the same and most people just do it for the easy money. But alot of your rhyming sounds forced, like you have to obey your rhyme scheme or else you'll die, or be struck by lightning. Also, some of your lines are really stupid sounding:

Just look at how we're made
How every cell is given life
How they all fit together
one perfect device

You need alot of work with your writing, but keep it up.

[hedgefudge420]

yehhh.....I am Christian too.....but I couldnt imagine singing this in church any day

[RollerQueen]

Worship music, like political music, is often myopic and stinted. This is no different. Liking God, or showing faith or a religious predilection's fine, but it takes a mighty pen to make that sort of writing worthwhile to read. Here, there are too many childish ideas and lines to sift anything good from it. Grow up, get wiser, and look into your faith from an objective perspective so you can write something inspiring and less Christian-by-the-numbers.

Yeah, I'm being a jerk. Oh well.

[DeadReligion]

RollerQueen, said like a champion, also, I believe you owe me a crit (JesUSAves). On another note, I've seen that South Park episode, it made me laugh my *** off.

[nitetrapper]

first off you gave your writing a shot. All lyrics have a genre. I am not into religon much but i like writing and reading anytype. alot of your repleys are right on you just need to find a way to say what you want by being unique. every subject in the world has been written about hundreds of times. You have to find one that says its you. Keep it simple interisting and to the point. There is no need for words that are seldom used or that people wonder wonder wether your a song writer or trying to be a word monger. study on song structure. And rewrite and rewite it will come to you in time. You,ve already got a start it just needs to be fine tuned. Keep writing. Nite.........