The Crux of Aversion(crit for crit)

[sandsoftime]

there are a lot of large words in this song and i don't expect many of you will be able to tell what i am talking about at first. but i promise you there is a reason for the word choice

The Crux of Aversion

I hide behind my facade
Immense and worthless lexis
Within sits a forlorn man
Intellectually deficient

Stop temporizing
Your feelings now are clear
The crux of aversion
Due to the delinquent fear

But you will conceal too
For fitting in was never
One of your strong suits
Consideration, your ruin

Stop temporizing
Your feelings now are clear
The crux of aversion
Due to the delinquent fear

These duplicitous fools
Lie to themselves daily
To thrust away the painful
Feelings of insignificance

Stop temporizing
Your feelings now are clear
The crux of aversion
Due to the delinquent fear

tell me what you think

[DeadReligion]

I hide behind my facade
Immense and worthless lexis
Within sits a forlorn man
Intellectually deficient
^ The extreme internal rhymes of the second line, were a bit annoying, other than that, good wording, I like it.

Stop temporizing
Your feelings now are clear
The crux of aversion
Due to the delinquent fear^ "The crux of aversion" is just great. Bad clear/fear rhyme though. Also, you are overusing big words a bit. I'd take some out of the first verse, this one is too good.

But you will conceal too
For fitting in was never
One of your strong suits
Consideration, your ruin
^ Bland, random...my least favorite.

These duplicitous fools
Lie to themselves daily
To thrust away the painful
Feelings of insignificance
^ A feeling of pseudo-intellectuality struck this verse. Heh...thats a good line. Anyway, duplicitous is not needed, a better descriptor, that isn't so complex. Like I said, you shouldn't overuse big words.

Not bad, 7.8/10. Not my favorite of yours, but its pretty good.

[deathscreamingsheep]

A feeling of pseudo-intellectuality struck this verse

Line officially stolen.

Anyway, to the song.

The title: LOVE IT!

I can't see anything wrong with the first stanza, but in the chorus:
Due to the delinquent fear

This seems badly worded, but otherwise I liked the chorus. Nice imagary and use of words so far.

These duplicitous fools
Lie to themselves daily
To thrust away the painful
Feelings of insignificance

Again I really like it, a good way of ordering things.

The second stanza isn't too great though. It serves it's purpose but I would advise revising it.

Overall it's a pretty good song and whatever your disclaimer said at the top I think I followed it. Can you crit my song under the thread a Random Experiment.

[dyuaru]

Some of the lines are quite interesting, yet some are a bit boring. The hiding in the first stanza is good but gets a little repetetive after being used again in the stanza after the chorus. Best line is definitely the crux of aversion and along with some other good lines this song can be pretty good. Just work on changing a couple of lines and this song will be ready to go, haha.

Comment on my new one
http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=436111