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SubtleDagger

01-19-2006, 10:01 AM

ITRIEDVOODOOONCE
pixiesfanyo
Jetpack
Bigbadbob
Disco Donkey
conniption
I Love Fat Women
returnpftheBIZ
SubtleDagger
ATC
sketchyjoe
FadeToBlack102
RunAmokRampant
k.s.e.
Tainted_Soul
FACELESSnotBASSLESS

yikes

I Love Fat women

01-19-2006, 01:52 PM

pixiesfanyo

01-19-2006, 02:51 PM

Jetpack

01-19-2006, 05:46 PM

ITRIEDVOODOOONCE 11th
^-This seemed very short and abrupt. It seems to be to be about rebirth? something like that? I think the rhythmic part of it didn't work and therefore it was somewhat difficult to understand the flow of the piece.

pixiesfanyo 5th
^-I liked this, in particular good usage of the word Douse, almost off topic, i was somewhat disappointed to see you're instead of your lol.

Jetpack
^- (A glimpse at perfection LOL) *MINE*

Bigbadbob 1st
^-Definitely one of my fave's, I really liked the use of vocabulary, and it was great that on top of that it rhymed and flowed all the way through. I really like the comparison/contrast of the young boy and old man and the winter winds, however i'm not sure if I liked the second use of winter winds.

Disco Donkey 8th
^-This was good, Although to me you seemed to switch between good and mediocre lines all the way through. Still, clever ideas throughout.

conniption 9th
^- Nice, short and sweet, the second stanza is my fave,

I Love Fat Women 14th
^- Not so great. A lot of forced rhymes and I didn't like a lot of the ideas you put into this. Im not sure it seems there are a lot of random ideas thrown into this piece.

returnoftheBIZ 7th
^-Interesting, nice piece and fun to read, I really liked the last stanza and the conversation and particularily the last line... the rest doesnt quite seem to work in my opionion.

SubtleDagger 4th
^-Nice song, good flowing rhymes and nice style.

ATC 2nd
^- I really like this, Unorthadox really in my opinion but it definitely works. I really like final 4 lines, I don't know why but I think they work really well and It almost seems to sum up your idea.

sketchyjoe 6th
^- Every time i read that line i was less and less interested.
The rest of it was great, i like your contrasting between every line it worked, however the Every Song part was Way too repetitive in my opinion, there other ways you could have conveyed the same thing.

FadeToBlack102 10th
^- I like this, again short but to the point and I really liked the flowing of this.

RunAmokRampant 13th
^- Good ideas, this seems to change from good to bad a lot.. great lines then mediocre.

k.s.e.
^- Word.

Tainted_Soul 3rd
^- Great. I really liked it, some great lines in there and very solid throughout.

FACELESSnotBASSLESS 12th
^- Good, I like some of the lines and ideas you've put in here... some not so much but I think with a bit of work this could be great.

Word.

Bigbadbob

01-19-2006, 05:47 PM

8th ITRIEDVOODOOONCE 6/10
feels like a snippett. I need a broader reference to connect. The piece you linked to was a good begginning. Was this the middle? conclusion?
Its an okay glimpse. Not alot to dig into.

3rd pixiesfanyo 8/10
I like it. Creative and nicely worded. The 1st two lines though?

5th Jetpack 7/10
So I think this could've been a whole lot worse. The ending was good, I liked it. The rest, while not overly familiar had a very cliche feel to it.

Bigbadbob

9th Disco Donkey 5.5/10
I didnt like this at first and i still think the beginng is too conversational but it is a good concept visualized. It builds momentum.

13th conniption 4/10
Kindof sputters....attempts to engage....but ultimately fizzels.

10th I Love Fat Women 5/10
yea...I can see a few chords slapped on this but in the challenges, its a lightweight.

11th returnpftheBIZ 5/10
very little aesthetic value. No lyrical sense. Its an honest attempt and I appricate that but it doesnt work for me.

2nd SubtleDagger 8/10
Always worth reading. I always felt you flirted with...Sap?...which does have broad appeal in small doses.

1st ATC 8.5/10
ooh...ahh. Nice, top to bottom.

4th sketchyjoe 7/10
let me start by saying I like this. I just wonder if "every song" is the best way. Maybe if you created flowing couplets vs. starting over each line because it gets repetitive by the end

14th FadeToBlack102 3/10
This "THE CHALLENGES" man. No R&B allowed

7th RunAmokRampant 6/10
"plunge" or "flop". Sorry....all I see is red belly on this.

k.s.e.
silent but deadly

12th Tainted_Soul 5/10
angst...dressed in piles of ashes and corpes. Read SubtleDagger, ATC and pixiesfanyo. There's your tips.

6th FACELESSnotBASSLESS 6.5/10
too many "ion's". they detract from an otherwise good piece.

sketchyjoe

01-19-2006, 06:01 PM

ITRIEDVOODOOONCE: This song had a real Iron Man feel to it. It was quite stilted but I got the impression that that was intentional and it added to the ambience of the song. Quite basic lyrically but effective and reasonably enjoyable. 5th
pixiesfanyo:I liked the opening two lines and the last two lines more than the rest of the song. It just seemed a bit lacklustre. 6th
Jetpack: The dark imagery works well and builds up a cohesive tone but it doesn't flow that well.9th
Bigbadbob: Some very nices verses with nice imagery but the song as a whole just didn't grab me. 10th
Disco Donkey: This builds well and I enjoyed it although some of the lines jarred a bit. 8th
conniption: 13th
I Love Fat Women: 3rd
returnpftheBIZ: 7th
SubtleDagger: 1st
ATC: 4th
FadeToBlack102: 14th
RunAmokRampant: 11th
k.s.e.:
Tainted_Soul: 12th
FACELESSnotBASSLESS: Good imagery. Good flow. Quite Dylaneque in parts. This is always a good thing. 2nd

I gave crit for them all but my computer crashed and I can't be bothered to do it again.

RunAmokRampant

01-19-2006, 10:18 PM

ITRIEDVOODOOONCE - It links well with your first piece. The structure is uncomfortable however and this when you look at it, could be easily spit and sorted into stanzas without losing impact. 9

pixiesfanyo - It's a pretty song with a very nice title. 5

Jetpack - This is okay. It's a bit static in deliver though. 13

Bigbadbob - Some very nice lines and the structure is great especially the 2nd and 4th stanzas. 2

Disco Donkey - Some parts are a bit silly at first read but I get what you're trying to say. Middle band I think. 7

conniption - Not bad at all. Good use of metaphor. 8

I Love Fat Women - Meh it's cliche ridden at times and it kind of throws me off a little. 14

returnpftheBIZ - Some lines are great, some seem a little awkward. The last stanza is the highlight I think. 10

SubtleDagger - It's well written and all that jazz but the concrete-like structure gives a cold indifferent appearance. A little flair in presentation or you should take a risk with a couple of those "one liner" things that either make or break your piece. 3

ATC - Good show. 1

sketchyjoe - This is actually rather good despite the insipid repetition. 6

FadeToBlack102 - Feels very limited and it feels kind of drafty. Needs more exposure in depth. 11

k.s.e. - sometimes silence is the best message.

Tainted_Soul - Nothing really evokes inspiration here. Cliche in places. Needs more originality. 12

FACELESSnotBASSLESS - Not bad at all. Some parts need tightening up but it's decent. 4

Tainted_Soul

01-20-2006, 12:15 AM

ITRIEDVOODOOONCE-Brilliant. Great lyrics, great message.(although its only good if you stick the first part onto it...alone it dies..) 4

pixiesfanyo-Very nicely written, great lyrics, especially like “To touch you
Is to touch a star
Awe stricken in dark
Under a bed of praising eyes 5

Jetpack-I really like how the way you strung your thoughts together, very poetic, especially the last line...but ultimately, something lacked. 8

Bigbadbob-Bloody Brilliant. Great imagery, thoughts stick together, everything seemed to work (and a different rhyming scheme is always welcome) 2

Disco Donkey-I liked it a lot. A story I can follow, especially 2 and 4 stanzas. Unfortunately, not quite as deep as a lot of the songs submitted, but very well written. 6

conniption-I dunno how you have this put together, but it made no sense to me. Even with music, I can’t see how it would make any sense. Very good word choice however. 14

I Love Fat Women-I really really liked it. First and third verses were exceptional, not so big on the second though. Short and to the point. 10

returnoftheBIZ-Hmm..hard to say on this one. I liked that it was a story I could follow, and the last part of the song really shone (for me) but the rest of just didn’t do it... 12

SubtleDagger-Nice. The whole thing was incredible. I liked the rhyme scheme, almost lymerics, no? And the way you dragged out the end...it was very well written. Definite winner, I think. 1

ATC- Also well written, but ultimately it lacked something I think is important in anything written...I couldn’t follow it. However, word choice was exceptional, and the china lines painted a clear picture in my mind. 3

sketchyjoe-I like the way the song started, but it got waaaaay too repetitive and predictable. Any song where you can guess the next line before you read it...let me put it this way...it cut the creativeness of the song in half. But I really did like the way you expressed ideas. -11

FadeToBlack102-A good song, but too short. It felt as if I was barely getting started reading it when it was over. Theme much like my song, but rhymed much better. Just didn’t feel complete... 13

RunAmokRampant-I like the way it was written. It seems you read ATC’s guide to songwriting. I couldn’t find a single thing I disliked about this song except for the end. Those last two lines through me off the otherwise well written piece. Well done. 9

k.s.e.

Tainted_Soul-"Ode to a Dragon"...

FACELESSnotBASSLESS-Very well written piece, I liked the flow of it, and there were parts that really shone...right up until you run into a brick wall’s worth of words you don’t understand. I have a pretty decent vocabulary, so any song that makes me go to dictionary.com more than once you might want to think about. You could say it doesn’t matter if I’m too dumb to get your song, but remember that accesibility to the listener is as important as everything else. Once again, well done, but don’t use big words just for the sake of using big words. 7

ATC

01-21-2006, 05:33 PM

ITRIEDVOODOOONCE - I critiqued this in S&L. As a stand-alone in a competition, this wouldn't work. Tighten up a little. 8

pixiesfanyo- I love your opening. Absolutely love it. Overall, pretty good even if it does lose steam towards the end. 4

Jetpack- In its own genre, its a decent song. But it doesnt make for exceptional lyrics. Still, a good attempt. 10

Bigbadbob- Solid. Like a Snake. 1

Disco Donkey- Good. Interesting premise. I'm not a fan of that ending. Further comments in your thread. 7

conniption- I quite like this. 2

I Love Fat Women- Jet engine rumble reminds me of a poetic description of a loud fart. Hehe. Its not exceptional but eh, it'll work. 12

returnpftheBIZ - Twas an interesting break from the other pieces. While it wasnt spectacular, I liked reading it. 6

SubtleDagger- I find myself wanting to call this a 'pretty song'. You a pwetty pwetty bhoy, Burt. 3

ATC - Me

sketchyjoe - Got kinda tiresome. You might want to have the second part as not the opposite in every line, just to make it less predictable. 11

FadeToBlack102 - Okies. 14

RunAmokRampant- There's moments of inspiration here but you're not showing enough passion and letting some lame lines into the mix. Stanza 3 is evenly divided between bad and great, for example. 5

k.s.e.- ??

Tainted_Soul- A Love song to a dragon? Because that's the only way I can make sense of someone's breath being so hot. hehe. 13

FACELESSnotBASSLESS- I'd love this if only you kept to the style of your chorus (awesome) and ditched all the more complex words. 9

Mad toy!

TojesDolan

01-21-2006, 06:04 PM

conniption

01-23-2006, 09:12 PM

ITRIEDVOODOOONCE-9
pixiesfanyo-5
Jetpack-10
Bigbadbob-4
Disco Donkey-3
conniption-X
I Love Fat Women-8
returnpftheBIZ-12
SubtleDagger-2
ATC-1
sketchyjoe-6
FadeToBlack102-14
RunAmokRampant-7
k.s.e.-X
Tainted_Soul-13
FACELESSnotBASSLESS-11

SubtleDagger

01-28-2006, 07:30 AM

ITRIEDVOODOOONCE - 10th
pixiesfanyo - 1st
Jetpack - 5th
Bigbadbob - 7th
Disco Donkey - 9th
conniption - 4th
I Love Fat Women - 3rd
returnoftheBIZ - 12th
ATC - 2nd
sketchyjoe - 6th
FadeToBlack102 - 14th
RunAmokRampant - 8th
Tainted_Soul - 13th
FACELESSnotBASSLESS - 11th

pixiesfanyo

01-28-2006, 10:32 AM

ITRIEDVOODOOONCE - 9th
SubtleDagger - 1st
Jetpack - 5th
Bigbadbob - 8th
Disco Donkey - 7th
conniption - 2nd
I Love Fat Women - 4th
returnoftheBIZ - 11th
ATC - 3rd
sketchyjoe - 6th
FadeToBlack102 - 14th
RunAmokRampant - 10th
Tainted_Soul - 12th
FACELESSnotBASSLESS - 13th

my votes.

I Love Fat women

01-29-2006, 06:22 AM

ITRIEDVOODOOONCE 13th
pixiesfanyo 6th
Jetpack 10th
Bigbadbob 8th
Disco Donkey 5th
conniption 7th
I Love Fat Women Me
returnpftheBIZ 5th
SubtleDagger 1st
ATC 3rd
sketchyjoe 12th
FadeToBlack102 14th
RunAmokRampant 11th
k.s.e.
Tainted_Soul 9th
FACELESSnotBASSLESS 2nd

My vote has been cast!