jan 17/06 wrote it on a real shi**y day.

[evolution]

I was having a brutal day, like I do sometimes right outta the fricken blue so I went to the paper to blow off some steam...take a look comment if you like and please enjoy my friends.

Sitting silent, listening to the past
Slowly wondering why things pass by so fast
Complacent to the force of an absent will
Adjacent to the cynic spouting off his swill
Things of similarity aromatic scents of rarity
The odd and confusing moments of clarity
The awful truth I’d wish to never see

The fine art of consumption eludes me
I let the vultures voluntarily exclude me
The motion replenishes it’s own fluidity
As we kill ourselves and souls religiously

When did hard rock begin to suck hard ****
Hip hop is fabricated not in a lab but a shop
And every song is just another knock off
The bottoms fell out of the earth
That’s my opinion for what it’s worth
So eat, drink and be ****in merry
As off to die as filthy martyrs we’re carried

The soul of existence is hidden by persistence
A vile weed grows from the seed of pestilence
Slaughter your daughters and **** penitence
None of this will ever make any sense

We’re all kings of living things
But unaware of the tragedy that it brings
As we forget that the early morning bird sings
In vain is consumption pumps pain into our brains
For myself for the human plant I’m ashamed
Love is twisted from the west
From minds eroded and heavily stressed
Kill the children to make way for buildings
The riches that appease us earthly kings

Endless Potential waiting in the wings
Idolization our consumption brings
No one knows the scope of change
Until it grips us in endless pain

So sentimental
Semen is elemental
Forgotton it’s so instrumental
To your own and my survival

__________________________________________________ _______________

[slickathenyou]

Lol, sounds like you had a bad day. I liked your lyrics though! They were cool. However, here:

When did hard rock begin to suck hard ****
Hip hop is fabricated not in a lab but a shop
And every song is just another knock off
The bottoms fell out of the earth
That’s my opinion for what it’s worth
So eat, drink and be ****in merry
As off to die as filthy martyrs we’re carried

The last two lines don't work. The first one is cliche and the last one is too long. Please change.

We’re all kings of living things
But unaware of the tragedy that it brings
As we forget that the early morning bird sings
In vain is consumption pumps pain into our brains
For myself for the human plant I’m ashamed
Love is twisted from the west
From minds eroded and heavily stressed
Kill the children to make way for buildings
The riches that appease us earthly kings

Please shorten the second line. The last line also sounds choppy, maybe get rid of some hard sounds.

Only things I had wrong with it. I likey though. 7/10.

[scottkdash]

in all honesty dude. i can see it being a very good poem, but can't understand how it'd be sung well. then again a lot of lyrics do that too me. btw if you check out the up and coming aussie hip hop scene its fun and playful and experimental like the music that came from hip hop in the days of public enemy run dmc a tribe called quest de la soul beastie boys etc.

good lyricsm, wish i could be so descriptive when my day has sucked

[El_Goodo]

in all honesty dude. i can see it being a very good poem, but can't understand how it'd be sung well. then again a lot of lyrics do that too me. btw if you check out the up and coming aussie hip hop scene its fun and playful and experimental like the music that came from hip hop in the days of public enemy run dmc a tribe called quest de la soul beastie boys etc.

good lyricsm, wish i could be so descriptive when my day has sucked

Bob Dylans sung alot more lyrics than that and made it sound good :thumb: but then again he is incredible.

It's good, except the part about hard rock and hip-hop that seems to come out of nowhere, and I find it really stupid, and worded immaturely.