My Own Political Punk Lyrics

[Guitar Slayer]

Tell Me If You Like

One Day He will knock on your door
and make you
get down
to the floor
if you dont a listen
to him you will be
In the war with the nation at the
Iraqian Country
To live or to DIE!!!

This Is a risk
he's willing to take
our lifes are now at STAKE!!!
Come on an save the world to the
one two THREE

You better be ready
Have Faith
Be Strong,
you sure will need to be

What he wants is our lives
its either that or his money is gone
he thinks "Who cares?"
"Who Knows?"
But We Do WE DO WE DOOO!!
We do know,
His little Secret
To Make the world a better place
but thats not it

He wants the total opposite
The Red lights flashin
before your eyes
we think
we run
We are terrified

You finally realize
this is the end
Good Bye
To this Huge World
We Wanted
much better
but it was wrong
Now we are gunna have to deal with it!
DEAL!!
DEAL!!!
DEAL!!!!

[Guitar Slayer]

The Song is Called
How It Really Runs

[Guitar Slayer]

Any Pointers or is it Good

[DeadReligion]

One Day He will knock on your door
and make you
get down
to the floor
if you dont a listen
to him you will be
In the war with the nation at the
Iraqian Country
To live or to DIE!!!
^ The lines are very choppy. It's Iraqi. Too blunt, and bland, and cliche.

This Is a risk
he's willing to take
our lifes are now at STAKE!!!
Come on an save the world to the
one two THREE
^ We are critiquing the lyrics, just write them out, don't use exclamation points, or caps (except at the beginning of lines, and where the laws of English mandate it. These are pretty boring, sorry.

You better be ready
Have Faith
Be Strong,
you sure will need to be
^ Just dumb.

What he wants is our lives
its either that or his money is gone
he thinks "Who cares?"
"Who Knows?"
But We Do WE DO WE DOOO!!
We do know,
His little Secret
To Make the world a better place
but thats not it
^ Ugh, this is painfully bland, and angsty, and played out.

Okay, basically, this whole thing is bland, played out, and just boring.
1) Knowledge: Inform yourself, is number one.
2) Vocabulary: The more words you have to express yourself, the better.
3) Imagery: Describe the images, with good descriptors...
4) Other literary techniques: Allusion (a popular Graffin one), metaphor, simile, personification...all the others.

This stuff reminds me of me when I started (check out my first posts if you want), the angst just...its annoying, you've got to be a bit calmer. These are important messages, you're trying to send, your opinions you are trying to express, you don't want to be written off as some angsty, screaming idiot, do you?

Now, bow, to the MX master of punk...lol jk.

http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=435185
And/or:
http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=435194

[Guitar Slayer]

One Day He will knock on your door
and make you
get down
to the floor
if you dont a listen
to him you will be
In the war with the nation at the
Iraqian Country
To live or to DIE!!!
^ The lines are very choppy. It's Iraqi. Too blunt, and bland, and cliche.

This Is a risk
he's willing to take
our lifes are now at STAKE!!!
Come on an save the world to the
one two THREE
^ We are critiquing the lyrics, just write them out, don't use exclamation points, or caps (except at the beginning of lines, and where the laws of English mandate it. These are pretty boring, sorry.

You better be ready
Have Faith
Be Strong,
you sure will need to be
^ Just dumb.

What he wants is our lives
its either that or his money is gone
he thinks "Who cares?"
"Who Knows?"
But We Do WE DO WE DOOO!!
We do know,
His little Secret
To Make the world a better place
but thats not it
^ Ugh, this is painfully bland, and angsty, and played out.

Okay, basically, this whole thing is bland, played out, and just boring.
1) Knowledge: Inform yourself, is number one.
2) Vocabulary: The more words you have to express yourself, the better.
3) Imagery: Describe the images, with good descriptors...
4) Other literary techniques: Allusion (a popular Graffin one), metaphor, simile, personification...all the others.

This stuff reminds me of me when I started (check out my first posts if you want), the angst just...its annoying, you've got to be a bit calmer. These are important messages, you're trying to send, your opinions you are trying to express, you don't want to be written off as some angsty, screaming idiot, do you?

Now, bow, to the MX master of punk...lol jk.

http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=435185
And/or:
http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=435194


alright man thx its my first song soo i rlly dont know anything haha

[p01iticle ClIt]

Overal i think it was a decent song...but, i feel that youve barely even grazed the surface of the subject. You need to go in depth and try and put yourself in the shoes of the recruits your talking about. Try and make us fel there pain...not so much that it becomes emo, but go further in your writing. Keep on trying..

[Guitar Slayer]

Overal i think it was a decent song...but, i feel that youve barely even grazed the surface of the subject. You need to go in depth and try and put yourself in the shoes of the recruits your talking about. Try and make us fel there pain...not so much that it becomes emo, but go further in your writing. Keep on trying..

Alright thanks yah i think theother guy didnt know it was my first song
or did he:amaze:

[Guitar Slayer]

Dead Religion whatdoes bland,angsty,blunt,and cliche mean:p
And what do you mean by choppy

[Guitar Slayer]

One Day He will knock on your door
and make you
get down
to the floor
if you dont a listen
to him you will be
In the war with the nation at the
Iraqi Country
It is a life or Death Concept

This Is a risk
he's willing to take
now lifes are at stake

What he wants is our lives
thats a desire of him,
he thinks "Who cares?"
he thinks "Who Knows?"
But we do
We know,
This secret
To Make the world a better place
but thats not it,
He wants the total opposite

The Red lights flashin
before your eyes
we think(think)
we run(run)
We are terrified

You finally realize
this is the end
Good Bye
To this Huge World
We Wanted
much better
but it was wrong
Now we are gunna have to deal with it!
(Fade Out)

is this better sum words i didnt get

[DeadReligion]

Look them up.

[Guitar Slayer]

Look them up.

to lazy hahah i will wen i get home frum skewl

[rays a skanker]

One Day He will knock on your door
and make you
get down
to the floor
if you dont a listen
to him you will be
In the war with the nation at the
Iraqi Country
It is a life or Death Concept

Its a little too obvious with the War with Iraq thing. Maybe try and be a little more subtle.

This Is a risk
he's willing to take
now lifes are at stake

I assume you're talking about Bush, this is the subtelty i meant from the first verse

What he wants is our lives
thats a desire of him,
he thinks "Who cares?"
he thinks "Who Knows?"
But we do
We know,
This secret
To Make the world a better place
but thats not it,
He wants the total opposite

A little repetitive with the last line, but good verse

The Red lights flashin
before your eyes
we think(think)
we run(run)
We are terrified

Nice

You finally realize
this is the end
Good Bye
To this Huge World
We Wanted
much better
but it was wrong
Now we are gunna have to deal with it!
(Fade Out)

A little cliche but good


Good song. Needs a little work but good. What kind of music are you putting to it?

[A_Perfect_Sonnet]

to lazy hahah i will wen i get home frum skewl

You spelled like three of those words correctly. Your lyrics are bad, just like everyone elses, but especially yours.

[Guitar Slayer]

You spelled like three of those words correctly. Your lyrics are bad, just like everyone elses, but especially yours.

ok fag shut your mouth nobody likes u (does my FIRST SONG mean anything)

[A_Perfect_Sonnet]

A lot of people like me, and bad lyrics are bad lyrics.

[Guitar Slayer]

A lot of people like me, and bad lyrics are bad lyrics.

"A lot of people like me" cocky much

[A_Perfect_Sonnet]

I bet, deep down, you like me too.

[Guitar Slayer]

I bet, deep down, you like me too.

no actually i hate you with every bit of my heart Thats sure is sum passion

[GN'Randallthat]

"A lot of people like me" cocky much

haha you 15 year old girl. Bad lyrics much! hahahahha

[DeadReligion]

I think APS is the man. I mean, he doesn't like my stuff, but he helps me with it. Plus, he writes awesome stuff, and, well, he's funny. Personally, I think APS is one of the coolest people here.

[A_Perfect_Sonnet]

I think your stuff is showing improvement in leaps and bounds DR. It takes a very good song to get around a 6 or 7, because in an actual scale, a 10 would have to be the best lyrics I've ever laid eyes on. Consider a 5, like I gave you on your one piece, above... say, Hawthorne Heights, who I give all of their lyrics 1's or 2's. Think about it that way. Also, I'll give this a fair crit tomorrow.

[DeadReligion]

Oh, well, that makes me feel much better, really.

[Guitar Slayer]

I think APS is the man. I mean, he doesn't like my stuff, but he helps me with it. Plus, he writes awesome stuff, and, well, he's funny. Personally, I think APS is one of the coolest people here.

yah well he was being a dick to me so yah