Cry Out, Holy Recollection

[factor46]

First song of 2006. Please crit. :thumb:


Cry Out, Holy Recollection

She was meek, and she danced among the city streets,
But I don't blame her.
Escaping into what she calls her own mindset,
Funerals directed; arranged in her honor.
This isn't massacre,
She did it for you.
Like a process of elimination regarding the overwhelmed,
Who needs such torture now?
Such a whimsical plot; a thumbs up from heaven,
And you pretend you don’t see her.
All she was looking for was a little consolation.

[Leaves]

blizzack dizzot.

I read through this five times and I'm still scratching my head a bit. But that last line is so intriguing, it keeps me going back to the top to read it again.

Great craftsmanship of a song, either way. I like the flow and the interesting word choices. You didn't use big, pretentious words (which I despise); you put conventional words together in an interesting way, which is much better.

So, thumbs up from Leaves for now. I'll be back for a few more reads later.

It you want to, try out my song Something of a Triumph (http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=430290).

Later.

[factor46]

Thanks Leaves. ;)



Anymore crits would be appreciated.

[mbrinton138]

umm...What style is it? too me it sounds like a poetic 'Every Name is my Name' by MAtthew Good Band, or maybe something acoustic. In which case I think it would fit really well. Too me I dont see it having enough structure to be anything around Metal or Rock.

[factor46]

Thank you.

But it's not acoustic. :lol:


Anymore?

[factor46]

Gah. This is the last bump.

Please crit!

[noodles452]

Thank you.

But it's not acoustic. :lol:


Anymore?
Those are definetly good lyrics.:thumb:
What kind of music is it for?
I could picture in almost anything.

[Nightvision]

added to my ever-increasing line of black dots.

[Sloth]

F-F-Factor! I hate waking up early! Damn school!

OOOKAAAAY..

She was meek, and she danced among the city streets,
But I don't blame her.
right away, I see you purposely contradict yourself. Meek people typically don't dance, especially in the streets where everyone can see them.


Escaping into what she calls her own mindset,
Funerals directed; arranged in her honor.
This isn't massacre,
She did it for you. Sooo, what, she killed herself? If she did kill herself, yeah, it wouldn't be a massacre...only she died. Am I reading this right?


Like a process of elimination regarding the overwhelmed,
Who needs such torture now?
Such a whimsical plot; a thumbs up from heaven,
And you pretend you don’t see her.
All she was looking for was a little consolation. nice continuation of the idea and ending... I rather like the way you put this..

Overall- Although I don't have any complaints and rather liked this...it doesn't seem up to par to the rest of your writing...the writing that I'm (maybe WE're) used to seeing from you.