Here I Stand

[morgan_dorffer]

This is the first song i ever wrote with music.

Here I stand on my two feet
My head is low and my knees are weak
As I'm trying to look up to you
And I'm trying to speak up to you

Here I am with words in mind
My mouth is dry and my lips are sealed
As I'm trying to forget your lust
And I'm trying to forget your touch

Here I stand all by myself
But tears roll down with a broken heart
As I'm trying to move on in life
And I'm trying to look past our times

[holy_roller99]

The first two lines are a bit cliche. try to reword that a bit. but the rest is not as cliche. it is a good song but it seems a bit unfinished and could show some more effort. i give it 5/10 but it could go up more if you put some more time into it.

[NoHoper]

guh

tears, broken hearts, sealed lips

Im first to admit they were included in my first attempt at writing lyrics.

[slickathenyou]

Here I stand on my two feet
My head is low and my knees are weak
As I'm trying to look up to you
And I'm trying to speak up to you
Like roller said, the first two are overused. Also, I don't like the reuse of the word 'you' at the end of the line. Could you possibly change it?

The second verse is cool.

Here I stand all by myself
But tears roll down with a broken heart
As I'm trying to move on in life
And I'm trying to look past our times
The first two lines are good, but the second two arent. That's also cliche'd and life doesn't rhyme with times unless you have a really weird singing voice.

Please check out this one:
http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=429576

[Jacob6293]

It's short