Work in progress

[SEBBY]

Tell me what you think, its just a start.

I look but i do not see
Im in a state of melancholy
I continue to hate me

Looking past the mirror
Not daring to stare
I do not envy what reflects there
I do not want to look any clearer
Clutching a blade in my hand
I am no longer in command

[Aklerc]

This is a very very common theme used amongst us. I will suggest some things. Choose a different theme to write about or make your piece orginal using similies/metaphors etc. Also don't feel that you have to stick to rhyme, this often causes people to slip into cliché phrases.

[SEBBY]

Thanks for the input ill work on some more ideas.
When i get back on my other computer ill post up some other songs ive done

[Aklerc]

Thanks for the input ill work on some more ideas.
When i get back on my other computer ill post up some other songs ive done
:) cool, I look forward to reading them.