Its thats bad....please crit

[drumtoke]

Hey, this is one of our first songs we ever wrote, we havent preformed this one yet but we need some help on the courus.Please give some ideas, thanks!

Its That bad
failure, teach me
life is hard, belive me
laugh out loud, you dont know
make it quick, but take it slow

hate it, its so sad
maybe your just mad
run away, hit the floor
choose to, ignore

this time, we will do whats right
stand up to this life
stand up to everything we've been put through
show the path
to ideas that are dumb
rise against everything thats wrong

so smooth, im rough
she is gone, be tough
its not so bad, shake it
you to good for her anyway

one day, we'll grow up
and notice, we f*cked up
but its ok, its just us
the human race, such a fuss

this time, we will do whats right
stand up to this life
stand up to everything we've been put through
show the path
to ideas that are dumb
rise against everything thats wrong

[drumtoke]

Will somebody pease crit!

[Noku]

Haha, seems like someone just discovered how fancy contradictions might be. :thumb: Anyway it has a nice flow and some thought. However I am not sure if it has integrity just because it is so simple or if you have actually thinked about it. I'd guess the former.

However, there is nothing special in it. Nothing even slightly tricky or fun. It is very easy and basic and simple with very little in poetic sense.

I'll give you 5/10 because that is the most I can give for that simple lyrics.