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TMA
01-02-2006, 04:45 PM
Something... interesting happened to me last night.
For some odd reason, I was watching Phantom Of The Opera last night, the original one with Lon Chaney, and for some even odder reason, when I was done with it, I got hit with this big bout of creativity, and my mind had already laid out these perfect lines for a song based off of Phantom Of The Opera. It makes no f*ckin' sense to me, but I wasn't about to argue it, so I went ahead and started it. I even have music and a melody for it already, which I usually don't have right away. Yes, the lyrics are a bit of an Em-esque thing, but that's because that's just how I write.


Make my way across the stage
Through all the broken glass and broken fame
Shards of what used to be my name
And every single night, the show's the same
Curtains open, lines are spoken,
Everyone begins to clap and cheer
And right before you, I adore you
Even while you're kissing him my dear

They will never know
What it's like for me
To be judged when you're not seen
And I can never show
Who I used to be
A plastic face is all they'll ever see

So yeah... that's how it goes so far. Thoughts? Should I continue or... what?

drumass04
01-02-2006, 04:59 PM
Yes. Continue.

This is a good base for a song. You've got an alright chorus there, and a pretty good opening verse. Just make sure you keep away from the forced rhymes!

Tim

TMA
01-02-2006, 08:56 PM
Yes. Continue.

This is a good base for a song. You've got an alright chorus there, and a pretty good opening verse. Just make sure you keep away from the forced rhymes!

Tim
Well, when I was writing it, they weren't forced, they're just what came to mind right away. There was not a single line in there so far when I wrote down one bit and went "Ok, now I need to find something to rhyme it with."
But, I'm still very glad to know that it's worth continuing.
Thanks! :thumb:

TMA
01-03-2006, 05:29 PM
*bump*
Any other opinions?

MidnightHysteria
01-03-2006, 06:03 PM
I can dig it. I especially approve of the further-spaced rhyming in the chorus. The first two lines of said chorus, however, are rather cliché and could use a bit of tweakage.

TMA
01-03-2006, 07:58 PM
I can dig it. I especially approve of the further-spaced rhyming in the chorus. The first two lines of said chorus, however, are rather cliché and could use a bit of tweakage.
I agree that they are rather cliche, but I found them pretty fitting considering the topic at hand.

DepthsOfDreams555
01-04-2006, 09:51 AM
This is solid man, and I really didn't feel like your rhymes were forced.