Liquid Suicide

[Swedish Amish]

The start has ended and stranded us,
This burning palace of love,
Fueled by hate, opposite apex's,
Of phantom emotion, liquid suicide,
Bottled, and stored, fermented,
Sold by the dozen to the eager,
The hypocritcical patriots,
Waving their flags high,
And their egos higher,
Crushing mine with their verbal blows,
Bruising my reality,
And my dreams have leaked here,
They are pouring from my eyes,
Liquid suicide, in it's purist form.


No chorus. Just a standalone song.

[DeadReligion]

In the last line you meant purest.

The hypocritcical patriots,
Waving their flags high,
And their egos higher,
Crushing mine with their verbal blows,
^ Too blunt, and doesn't go with the rest of it. Use the literary devices to describe this. It's good other than that. 8.5/10. Will you crit my "Strong Stench Of Night, In An Urbanized Battlefield" please?

[DeadReligion]

Jesus, Fonder, you really need to spell check this before you enter it, it's like reading ****in' Greek...

[DeadReligion]

Uh, what? Apekx? That isn't a word. Also, I'd like to request a mod ban fonder, for being an incompetent asshole.

[anti_manifesto]

That'd be nice.

[Hard_Rocker_Revived]

I wish your song rhymed. I'm not big on free verse.

[Nic__]

i agree with deadreligion. That line is too blunt. This may not be a very big compliment to you, but it is held in highest regards for me. your work reminds me alot of Kurt Cobains. Im not sure if you hold him in high regard though :P