I'll Wait (please crit)

[nonamemadox]

I will wait for you
hope it's a long time
and i guess I'll be waiting a life time
Heaven Hell
I wont pass through these gates without you

How many people have passed through these gates today
how many more will come by
I'm sorry that i had to leave you so soon
but i guess it was my time

I didn't say the things I should have said to you
I never said what you wanted to hear
Now I will sit and wait until you pass by
And finaly be whole again

So i'll wait for you
hope it's a long time
and I guess I'll be waiting a lifetime
Heaven Hell
I wont pass through these gates without you

Take your time, I'll wait forever
When you get here everything will be fine
I'll be somthing i could never be for you
This time i will be around

and I'll wait for you
hope it's a long time
and I guess I'll be waiting a lifetime
Heaven Hell
Wont pass through the gates without you

[nonamemadox]

bump...

[slickathenyou]

I will wait for you
hope it's a long time
and i guess I'll be waiting a life time
Heaven Hell
I wont pass through these gates without you
Lol, I first thought this was a verse so I wonder why it contradicted with your second stanza :D. It works, I like it.

I didn't say the things I should have said to you
I never said what you wanted to hear
Now I will sit and wait until you pass by
And finaly be whole again

It's OK, shorten the 'until' to 'til' to make it flow better.

Take your time, I'll wait forever
When you get here everything will be fine
I'll be somthing i could never be for you
This time i will be around

Couldn't find the rhyme scheme for this stanza, but the words fit together well so I guess it's fine.

I don't think you should open this song with the chorus, its a bit vague. Try using the first and second verses first, then the chorus so people know what you're talking about.
6.5/10

Please look at my newest song;
http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=429576

[drumtoke]

hey, sounds alittle soft....but what do i know? please crit one of mine!

[nonamemadox]

bump again