Away

[notjester589]

Acoustic demo of a song I wrote called away. Still pretty rough but I wanted some opinions on it.

http://www.numberonemusic.com/luvpump/?PHPSESSID=8e2302e6ccc4dc511e95cf534efb453b

just click on away.

[notjester589]

Why is it no one is even looking at my thread?

[HAX]

Its annoying isn't it! Anywho...
Nice song, good vocals but sometimes sketchy. You have a warm easily listenable voice if you know what i mean.
Cool. :)
The actually song is nice, a bit boring - Doesn't seem to go anywhere.

Anywho........ :)

[notjester589]

Thank you so much for responding. It is a little sketchy but its just a demo. It does need a little something extra. Probably a bridge section to kind of bring it to a climax now that I think about it.

[Surgicalgod]

Yep...the vocals are good except there were a few bum notes ;nothing worth mentioning though (contradiction?). I agree with hax, the song is good and might turn out to be great in the end if you add a lot more to it, right now it's just boring.

[notjester589]

Moment of clarity. Start off acoustic for first run through of three verses and two chrouses and then as its leading to the next chorus an electric guitar and drums will crescendo and it will lead into a rock chorus and verse with some super distrorted guitars and crashing drums and then it will cool down in the soft verse and fade out. Tell me what ya think. Will that do it and make it not so bland or do you think I need a whole extra section/riff?

[notjester589]

Any comments ? I happily crit back guys.

[HAX]

Alright structure but how long would 3 verses and 2 choruses be because you don't want it to drag.

[The Musician]

The singing is good, and guitar is good, but it's missing something. Maybe another guitar playing a couple of cool and mellow riffs in the background and a part where you just play each chord once, to create a more dramatic effect at a certain part. Nice start though :thumb:

[notjester589]

OK so I'm thinking change the arrangement to intro-verse-chorus-verse and then build up into the dramatic double length end chrous and do a guitar solo over the second half and end with a quiet fade out quiet type verse. or maybe hell... keep the whole ****ing thing acoustic. Feedback of course greatly appreciated

[notjester589]

So would it be ok if I just added a bridge and kept it acoustic or should I go for the whole dramatic rock ballad thing

[TheBlueBaron]

It's pretty good but as the other posters have been saying it's a bit bland. Maybe another guitar part to play a counter melody and strengthen on the vocals. I'm not saying that the vocals are bad but maybe if they could be heard a bit more, some parts were a bit sketchy. I know it's only and a demo and it's sounding good so far.

[notjester589]

So the arrangement is fine but I need to add some melodys or some kind of accompaniment?

[notjester589]

Any other opinions?

[notjester589]

Going to rerecord some of my older tunes so I'm asking for some crits on older posts before I put any more time into the new versions. Any new points of view for "Away"?

[redrumsixsix6]

pretty good man, alittle repetitive tho. I like the first phrase of each sentence when u sing but i think u need to end the prase (when u go lower) with more of a melody. besides that its really good and its jsut a demo so imagine the final copy being better.

if u get the chance crit mine?
http://musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=434060

[hide]

i think you should keep it acoustic and add a bridge section
and maybe add something in the verses (guitar, backup vox, something)

great work