fading shades of crimson

[the_shadow_rose]

right. i have written a song. its not very good, was written in the middle of a mind meltingly boring economics class. doesnt even rhyme for gods sake. please critique.
here goes....

They're fading faster
The crimson of my blood
The crimson of my heart
the crimson of the first rose you gave me

they're wilting, dying
wrinkles appearing
reflecting the state of that love
that's slowly leaving us

i cry, but its no use
i try, but its no use
i lie, but its no use
we know it'll never get better....

[white_riot]

It doesn't matter if it doesn't ryhme. Forced rhyming makes your song suck anyway. Its an ok song, you obviusly didn't have much time to write it because you said you were in class, but I think you have to make it longer and it will sound better. Am i right when I say the song is about being in love but the love is no longer there and it is slowly tearing apart? 6/10, keep writing you only get better.

[MidnightHysteria]

The repetition in the third stanza is not as effective as that in the first stanza.