Boeing 747

[DeadReligion]

Boeing 747

I sit, in the passenger area, of
This jumbo jet, engines roaring,
Flaps elevating and lowering
But it’s so uplifting here…
I want to stay forever and ever
Drive by day, fly by night

Flying at night, a beautiful thing look out the window
At the crescendo of lights gleaming in the night
Tall skyscrapers tickle the planes belly
It’s resilient, resistant
When the plane lowers, adrenaline rush
Twenty-five feet above ground

Rubber slams into asphalt
A lovely feeling, a lovely sound
Endorphins, flood through me
Happiness in such significant amounts
Hits me only a few times a year
Sitting in the seat of a Boeing 747,
Such satisfaction
Ahh, life’s simple pleasures

[Seafroggys]

ummmm.... interesting :)

[MidnightHysteria]

I did not expect this from you. It was a pleasant surprise. The worst thing about this is probably that you have too many unnecessary commas (all of them in the opening line, and the one in the third line of the third stanza). Also, in the second stanza, I'm not sure what you mean by "resiliant" and "resistant" as neither of these qualities seems to have much to do with anything you're describing.

[DeadReligion]

I meant resilient to the skyscrapers.

[DeadReligion]

BUMPITY BUMPED BUMPER MOTHER****ER. Lol. Anyway...Bump...yeah.

[schwypees]

Boeing 747

I sit, in the passenger area, of
This jumbo jet, engines roaring,
Flaps elevating and lowering
But it’s so uplifting here…
I want to stay forever and ever
Drive by day, fly by night

Not a bad beginning. Too many commas, but whatever. One thing I might suggest changing is the tense of the verb from –ing (participle? Whatever…). For example, “This jumbo jet, listen to the engine roar / See the flaps elevate and lower.” I really like the fourth line, only problem is “but…” because it doesn’t correspond to the previous sentence, just throw that out. Last two lines are good.

Flying at night, a beautiful thing look out the window
At the crescendo of lights gleaming in the night
Tall skyscrapers tickle the planes belly
It’s resilient, resistant
When the plane lowers, adrenaline rush
Twenty-five feet above ground

First line is a little awkward… try “Flying at night, such a beautiful sight.” That would make it less choppy, and it would also match the rhyme pattern of the second line: “night… sight / lights … night.” Meh, its just an idea. Next line: “Tall” is really… lame. Find a new word for that. The rest of that line, and the following line, are great. I would suggest interchanging the last two lines, for example: “The plane lowers, twenty five feet… / What a rush of adrenaline.” Or something like that.

Rubber slams into asphalt
A lovely feeling, a lovely sound
Endorphins, flood through me
Happiness in such significant amounts
Hits me only a few times a year
Sitting in the seat of a Boeing 747,
Such satisfaction
Ahh, life’s simple pleasures

Love this stanza. Don’t need the comma after endorphins. “Happiness in such significant amounts” is so awkward, change it. Next line is a little choppy, too. Last three lines are a great ending.

Nice job.

[--Attaboy_Skip--]

Hmm, this caught me a bit off guard when I first laid eyes on it however upon finishing it I found that it was amazingly vivid. Your descriptions are very... descriptive :P accompanied by your reactions to the environment, I could actually envision everything unfold as I read on. The only flaws that I would point out have already been said, such as the overuse of the comma and the occasional sketchy line. I think that this is a great piece, I find nothing wrong with such vividness.

[TxAxNxD13]

Boeing 747


I sit, in the passenger area, of
This jumbo jet, engines roaring,
Flaps elevating and lowering
But it’s so uplifting here…
I want to stay forever and ever
Drive by day, fly by night

good image, but nothing that really catches my eye...i dont really like the last line, it seams to condradict the one before it, but that could just be me being an idiot

Flying at night, a beautiful thing look out the window
At the crescendo of lights gleaming in the night
Tall skyscrapers tickle the planes belly
It’s resilient, resistant
When the plane lowers, adrenaline rush
Twenty-five feet above ground

again, nothing that catches my eye...the third line kind of sounds silly...i don't really care about airplanes, but your probably using it as a metifor that i cant quite grasp

Rubber slams into asphalt
A lovely feeling, a lovely sound
Endorphins, flood through me
Happiness in such significant amounts
Hits me only a few times a year
Sitting in the seat of a Boeing 747,
Such satisfaction
Ahh, life’s simple pleasures

i dont like the last line...especially the "ahh" part...same as the rest, i guess, nice image lack of meaning (at least there is a lack of meaning to me) one of your worst peaces...sorry, but i like most of your other stuff better...these kind of reminds me of some of the poems i find in english books where i look at them and ask my self "who gives a sh!t about this stuff anyways?" So make some cash and publish it in a goddamn english book! 7/10 (based on the imegry)