Hey all :) I wanna share this one w/you.

[me and I]

this ain't finished yet. oh well maybe it is -- I don't know. I'm not sure... what do you think? :)

I hate myself
I'm nothin' but a frustrated child
I' m so lonely
And I don't understand why I'm so cold
I feel so ugly
I look into the mirror and what I see is nothin'
I loath myself
Don't you come to me, I don't wanna know you

You don't love me anymore
I wonder if you ever did
I still love you!
And I want to drown myself
Into your everything
Yeah!

I hate myself
And you don't love me anymore



crowbar style.

thanks

[DepthsOfDreams555]

This is really really bad. I hope it isn't finished. Opening up a song with I hate myself is a bad line and also you actually said "You don't love me no more" that is terrible grammar. I give it like a 2/10.

[me and I]

yeah, it's love me anymore. yeah, the beginning could be other but otherwise this is great!

[Muse_]

I hate myself
I'm nothin' but a frustrated child
I' m so lonely
And I don't understand why I'm so cold
"Nothin'" does nothing to comliment your song. Take it out.
This, besides being devoid of any complexity or thought, is okay. I don't like it and it doesn't really mean anything.
Its basically lyrics for the sake of lyrics.

I feel so ugly
I look into the mirror and what I see is nothin'
I loath myself
Don't you come to me, I don't wanna know you
Take out "nothin'" and put in nothing. Also, fix "wanna". Its fine to say it in a song, but you should at least type it right.
Another empty and vapid stanza. You aren't saying anything, you are just putting in things that you feel will be construed as deep. You have to work harder than that for approval.

You don't love me no more
I wonder if you ever did
I still love you!
And I want to drown myself
Into your everything
Yeah!

A double negative does not a good song make. Don't love me no more is contradictory, change it.
The yeah at the end is awful.

I really disliked this song. Its basically a regurgitation of meaningless sentiment for sentiments sake. You need to work on self expression.
1/10.

[MidnightHysteria]

Smile Empty Soul without imagery?

[me and I]

that's right :thumb: