Southwest Rain Uprise...I think this is my 2nd on here?

[DazedMountainTop]

Blue banners grasp the town of protective burners and traitors,
giving up the sound of silence.
Focused on the cliffs of carbon monoxide,
we become the hatred we swore never to be.

A mile down the lakes, the floor breaks for its first time.
It’s war upon the surface of crimes from man and the belligerent winds of the southwest rain.
Time grips the throat of tomorrow and the shotgun shells fade into the skin of yesterday.
Yearning desolate police forces strike the flight strips to assure themselves and relieve their worries of terror.

The aisle in the sun helps to further the war;
decorate the walls with the butterflies caught in the Saturday sky.
-------------------------------

Tear it up.

[DazedMountainTop]

I think this will probably be the biggest bump I have ever seen in my life.

[DeadReligion]

Blue banners grasp the town of protective burners and traitors,
giving up the sound of silence.
Focused on the cliffs of carbon monoxide,
we become the hatred we swore never to be.
^ The only bad line, is the last one, its blunt, and cliche. "Cliffs of carbon monoxide" is interesting.

A mile down the lakes, the floor breaks for its first time.
It’s war upon the surface of crimes from man and the belligerent winds of the southwest rain.
Time grips the throat of tomorrow and the shotgun shells fade into the skin of yesterday.
Yearning desolate police forces strike the flight strips to assure themselves and relieve their worries of terror.
^ Lovely imagery, the flow is hardly killer though.

The aisle in the sun helps to further the war;
decorate the walls with the butterflies caught in the Saturday sky.
^ A nice ending. A very...quaint little piece, lovely. 8/10. Can you critique my "Lightly Dark: Power Switches" please?