You'll Rue The Day You Crossed me Trebek

[ITRIEDVOODOOONCE]

another one, wanna get some revisions before i turn it in to LC, crits? Concerns? Shoot Broseph.




Wars been coming
Heard from the brothers and the bee's
We'll bring the hammer down
Slight misguidings
Will send arrows far off key
lets use the bullets now

Like the dance
Of the battle
With such grace
Well, ill kill the prom queen

Snipers take your marks
Gunmen to their posts
We'll show them passion
We'll show them lust

Devour pride and prey alike
This time we'll clear out the dance floor

[DeadReligion]

I don't like the prom queen line. Its good other than that.

[Syd's Muse]

ditto. I think the prom queen line would fit.....it sounds a little more murderdolls-ish. i like it tho

[MidnightHysteria]

I actually love the prom queen line. It rather reminds me of the Electric Six's "Nuclear War On the Dance Floor" if it were twisted and evil. However, I really think that if the first two lines were omitted (which I know would destroy your precious rhyme scheme), the piece would be a lot stronger for a couple of reasons. First off, it wouldn't have the "wars been coming" which is almost a topic sentence. This isn't an essay; you're really better without one of those. Also "The brothers and the bees" is just a weird phrase, and I'm not sure if you're using it to force the rhyme.

[TojesDolan]

lol voodoo.

Wars been coming
Heard from the brothers and the bee's
We'll bring the hammer down
Slight misguidings
Will send arrows far off key
lets use the bullets now

Bees and misguidings are not rhyming... yet they feel like they had been put together for a rhyme somehow, making it look forced. Idea of war, maybe?

Like the dance
Of the battle
With such grace
Well, ill kill the prom queen

Ah, I see what they meant withthe prom queen. Sweet simile thing, I like it. at least it's creative. :)

Snipers take your marks
Gunmen to their posts
We'll show them passion
We'll show them lust

Last two, unnecesary repetition, in my opinion.

Devour pride and prey alike
This time we'll clear out the dance floor

So no war, but actual prom? Or going back and forward towards the idea of war and dancing? I dig it. It's a bit short and could use some more content, though. Cheers, anyhow. Sorry about the rushed crit. :(

[ITRIEDVOODOOONCE]

haha no problem tojes, it was a rushed song more or less, i wrote it post instrumental, which kinda detracted from it overall. I think im going to go through and add to it, then just only sing this much. But thanks everyone for the crits, really appreciated!
(PEEE ESSS, the brothers and bee's is a metaphor for gossip)

[smoss]

THE DAY IS MINE TREBEK...

Voodoo does a good job singing the Prom Queen lines in the song, for everyone to know.

[ITRIEDVOODOOONCE]

was that bump really necessary andrew?
hahaha

[FA]

is this title from the SNL skit where Sean Connery and other random jeopardy celebrities are on? (fake of course)

[FA]

Trebek: OK, time for Final Jeopardy, everyone write a number, any number: 1,2,3 anything

Trebek: Mr. Connery, let's see your answer. You put 'V'. Well you're in luck actually V is a Roman Numeral, let's see your wager.

Wager: Suck it Trebek

[ITRIEDVOODOOONCE]

haha yes ooh man i love those things

Connery: Ill take famous titties for 400

Trebek: thats titles, not titties......
AND the answer is:
This movie title was taken from the book title, "Gone With the Wind"
Mr Connery
Connery: DOLLY PARTON!
Trebek: FOR THE LAST TIME TITLES NOT TITTIES!!