Iridescent Smears-a poem, possible song

[Iamanidiot]

Iridescent Smears

If I don't feel any poetry, then what have I become?
What happens when blinking lights and fistfights begin to speak in foreign tongues?
Does all philosophy disappear?

Am I left to one moment so clear that this paradoxical absence is cultivated into a void so gargantuan that some universe is sustained within a tiny mainframe contained within a gleam of specualation?

Devastation?
More like a steathly blight that is the plight of some plowman who sews the wrong fruit.
He became a vegetable.

Please! Make me a vegetable!
How blessed to live in a suspended animation daze running paths that turn gears into years of second-place metaphors that were only good for insufficiently describing some less than faint-hearted exhortation.

Reformation?---Only for acclaimation-----
I'd change myself, but I really don't need to, but I'm doing it and I don't know why.

Hi! I'm.......muttering some forgotten name.......That's the one that should be attached to my claim.

I claim to be no one at no place at no time, notwithstanding synthetic creations that might have a place in a world of make believe.
Until poetry fails them again and they are left----------------something.

[Iamanidiot]

Come on, 15 views not one word of advice?

[tell.me.something.typical]

Yeah you should keep it a poem, it wouldn't sound very good if it was a song. But I like this alot, I don't get to see poetry like this in these forums, it's good to see new stuff. The only thing is, I don't get all of this could you be kind enough to explain? Sorry, I know this isn't really crit.

[slack]

There are some awesomely bad sentences here, like that beast of one called stanza two. The language is overblown, pseudo-intellectual pap, and for that reason I just couldn't get into this.

[omgwtfboogie]

Do you even know the meaning of the words you used?

They're placed so clumsily throughout this, it has no flow and really reads like a bad textbook.

I mean, it's cool to bring literacy back into poetry/songs, but you have to use words in contexts that actually make sense and flow.

[Iamanidiot]

I'm going to attempt to explain each stanza and see if that makes things any clearer. These are the points I was trying to get across, but I hate to tell readers what to think, I'd prefer you to come up with your own interpretation, but since there's so much confusion...

Iridescent Smears

If I don't feel any poetry, then what have I become?
What happens when blinking lights and fistfights begin to speak in foreign tongues?
Does all philosophy disappear?

I'm trying to look at what life would be like (from the perspective of a writer) without poetry, without a feeling of inspiration, and what the implications of a life like this would mean, to someone who has lost their muse, or no longer feels "inspired" "Blinking lights and fistfights" being possible objects of inspiration.

Am I left to one moment so clear that this paradoxical absence is cultivated into a void so gargantuan that some universe is sustained within a tiny mainframe contained within a gleam of speculation?

Going more in depth to what would happen if this "sense" or "calling" that compels one to write is taken. Will the absence of what we once felt leave us with clear yet ignorant thought, or does this absence create a new sense of inspiration that will lie dormant until we find a new catalyst that allows us to start again.

Devastation?
More like a steathly blight that is the plight of some plowman who sews the wrong fruit.
He became a vegetable.

Is this absence bad or good? Well it could be either, but maybe this lack of inspiration has come because the previous works of the writer weren't honest, or were lacking in some essential element. That is now why we feel nothing i.e. "He became a vegetable."

Please! Make me a vegetable!
How blessed to live in a suspended animation daze running paths that turn gears into years of second-place metaphors that were only good for insufficiently describing some less than faint-hearted exhortation.

The writer's call from his inspiration could be a blessing, maybe the essential purpose of writing is to get everything "off your chest" to where you are left with nothing to think about. A sort of ignorance is bliss argument. Or maybe the author has been in a vegetative state the whole time, and his/her previous works have all been pieces masking the true potential of what is stored inside.

Reformation?---Only for acclaimation-----
I'd change myself, but I really don't need to, but I'm doing it and I don't know why.

Why would the author/writer change or attempt to change, either into this "vegetative" state. Could it be these works are only for the acclaim? Could it be that writing only for praise can cause the writer to no longer feel inspired, if he/she ever felt inspired at all?

Hi! I'm.......muttering some forgotten name.......That's the one that should be attached to my claim.

What are the the implications of a name attached to a piece/body of work? Does the work live up to the name and vice versa? Or should we view the works themselves and not consider the author at all? What is the most pure way to do it?

I claim to be no one at no place at no time, notwithstanding synthetic creations that might have a place in a world of make believe.
Until poetry fails them again and they are left----------------something.

The author now claims to be non-existant because the thing that were once felt are gone, and maybe now the reason for this is to examine the emptiness which could lead new inspiration that is so pure that the other works seem meaningless and are only left for other aspiring writers as guides to reach a state of emptiness in order to be able to search for the most pure form of inspiration, whatever it may be.

Yeah, this is in free verse which might make it seem sketchy and not flow well, but in this piece I'm using things in weird contexts and using sort of a harsh rhythm, (ha, there really isn't a rhythm at all to this one) mainly to provoke thought and to get a reaction from the reader.
Anyways thanks for looking at it, and I hope this clears things up a bit.

Thanks.

[afuneralkeepsusapart]

the lyrics arent really blending in...

[Iamanidiot]

So either I'm severely stoned, thinking way to clearly, or this is really a big piece of crap and should erased from this page and my memory?

[slack]

It's cool that you've got this awesomely wonderful groundbreakingly original idea behind your work, but seriously man, some of these lines are ****ing atrocious.

My hope is that this was written semi-seriously, as an ironic jab at verbosity. If not, then this is quite the mockery of itself.

[Iamanidiot]

It's cool that you've got this awesomely wonderful groundbreakingly original idea behind your work, but seriously man, some of these lines are ****ing atrocious.

My hope is that this was written semi-seriously, as an ironic jab at verbosity. If not, then this is quite the mockery of itself.

Yeah, man that's kind of what I'm going for. I find it awesomely wonderful to use words that are not usually used or thought of as verbs. I don't know this piece is really experimental, but I really think if there's some way to master a different useage of verbs that the conveyance of a work can become much more powerful.

[Iamanidiot]

Alright, thanks for all the feedback guys.