Untitled...first post in a LONG time.

[DazedMountainTop]

It's time to counter
The swords have been sharpened
Victory will be ours today

On the next day's light
They'll surrender in cowardice
Don't let them stop you

I can see the needle sinking in
Rise up veins, and strike a pose
I can see the needle prick the skin
Time to defend what is yours

Give me a second
-To drown in your arms, to rest my bones, and carry you to freedom!
Show me what's yours
-I'll give my moments to you if you give your soul to thee!

I can see the needle sinking in
Rise up veins, and strike a pose
I can see the needle prick the skin
Time to defend what is yours

I'm yours for the taking
-So take me out and bury the lies!
I'm done with endings
-So many times I have tried, but you fail to realize what memories are still inside!
Begin with the middle
-Cross the intersection and leave your friends behind!

-----------------

Tear it up.

[Iamanidiot]

This is like reading a Prince Valiant comic. It's nice. The warrior imagery is especially cool. I think the last stanza falls a bit short. Personally I would try to leave it more within the constrains of the rest of the piece. I don't know what you were going for exactly, but it seemed like you were trying to change the pace of the piece at the end and it just doesn't seem to flow very well to me. Good work thought, 8.23/10

[MidnightHysteria]

It's terribly inconsistent. Although the topic you allude to stays the same the whole way through, the way you express it varies greatly. The first two stanzas, with all the battle imagery, are great (although I think it would be cooler if "counter" were replaced with "conquer" but that's just me), but then once you start adding the drug and love imagery it all gets somewhat overwhleming and stops making sense. Still, I see some good potential here.