A Bridge Gets Built for You (Please Critique)

[KillaBink]

Rearranging time frames of all there ever was
Forget about hanging all those frames upon your wall
The view up here’s not only for those with open eyes
I’ll build you a bridge so you can walk above it all

If that’s what I’ve got to do
To prove my love is true
Then so be it, I’ll see to it
A bridge gets built for you

Building it is one thing crossing it’s another
A thousand years of undoing sleep inside your head
Soliciting alpha dreams with lavender on the side
I’ll build you a bridge so you can walk across instead

If that’s what I’ve got to do
To prove my love is true
Then so be it, I’ll see to it
A bridge gets built for you

[tell.me.something.typical]

Rearranging time frames of all there ever was
Forget about hanging all those frames upon your wall
The view up here’s not only for those with open eyes
I’ll build you a bridge so you can walk above it all

If that’s what I’ve got to do
To prove my love is true
Then so be it, I’ll see to it
A bridge gets built for you

Building it is one thing crossing it’s another
A thousand years of undoing sleep inside your head
Soliciting alpha dreams with lavender on the side
I’ll build you a bridge so you can walk across instead

If that’s what I’ve got to do
To prove my love is true
Then so be it, I’ll see to it
A bridge gets built for you
Overall: I like this song alot for some reason, it keeps a solid imagery through the whole song. Very good use of your words. I don't really have anything to crit about it because I like everything about it, sorry maybe someone else can see something wrong.
Score:
90%

[FA]

black dot, one advanced...
your rhyme scheme seems forced and/or hard to find the flow

[KillaBink]

tell.me.something..... Thank you
justin..... There was some blockage in the flow of things. It could have used some ironing out before I posted. Thanks for the catch. I attempted to patch some areas up, so if you critique it, can you please critique this updated version. Thanks.

Rearranging time frames
Of all there ever was
Forget about hanging
Those frames upon your wall
The view up here’s not only
For those with open eyes
Close them tight and enter night
To walk above it all

If that’s what I’ve got to do
To prove my love is true
Then so be it, I’ll see to it
A bridge gets built for you

Building it is one thing
Crossing it’s another
Thousand years undoing
Sleep inside your head
Solicit golden dreams
With heartache on the side
Cast away fear of astray
To walk above instead

If that’s what I’ve got to do
To prove my love is true
Then so be it, I’ll see to it
A bridge gets built for you

[abriere]

I think this song is wonderful. Its true to the heart, which is why I think you must have written it. I don't think it sounds forced at all. The song is right to the point. Its not some complicated, overboard song that you can't understand. I find it well written.

[Severedlemon]

Then so be it, I’ll see to it
A bridge gets built for you

Ok it's good overall and i like it, it flows well. I like your use of language, particularly in your second verse. It has so much to offer.

There's just one tiny bit i don't like, it may just be me but i'll give my opinion and you can do what you feel as it's your work, but i don't think 'then so be it, i'll see to it' works all that well. I understand your using 'i'll see to it' to lead onto the next line but maybe it can be written differently.

Anyway it's good work, keep it up

[KillaBink]

Severedlemon... Alright, thanks for the crit. I'm gonna see what else I can brew up for the chorus.