"All I got" by me

[AntiSocial]

Here is my first of two songs I wrote. Ill post the other one sometime tomorrow as I'm only allowed one a day right? Anyways, I'm 17 year old self taught by ear guitarist. I've been playing for about 2 years so gimme all you got, because its "All I got"

Intro x2
__7__7__7__7_5__5___5__5__5__2_3_2_2
55 55 5 88 8 88 33 33 3 33 3 3

Verse 1
A__________C
All I need is all i got,
G__________________________A
Tell me who you are,I know your someone your not,
A_________________C
Dont put up a front, and put those lies away,
G_______________________A
Come on look at me in the eyes today,

Bridge
77 77/1010 xxxx 55 55/7
77 77/1010 xxxx 55 55/7 7 5 5
55 55/8 8 xxxx 35 33/5 8 8
p p

77 77/1010 xxxx 55 55/7 77 5 7 5
77 77/1010 xxxx 55 55/7 77 5 7 5
55 55/8 8 xxxx 35 33/5
p p

Chorus x2
A__________________C
I dont need a clue to see right through you,
G_________________________A
Take off that mask, you know its all i ask


A_____________C
What you need is what im lacking,
G________________________A
Cant we come to some kind of understanding,
A_________________________C
The trust we gave, yeah it was nothing but true,
G_______________________A
Look at you now you got no one to save you

Bridge
77 77/1010 xxxx 55 55/7
77 77/1010 xxxx 55 55/7 7 5 5
55 55/8 8 xxxx 35 33/5 8 8
p p

77 77/1010 xxxx 55 55/7 77 5 7 5
77 77/1010 xxxx 55 55/7 77 5 7 5
55 55/8 8 xxxx 35 33/5
p p

Chorus x2
A____________________C
I dont need a clue to see right through you
G_______________________A
Take off that mask you know its all i ask
____________________________________

Please crit' on every aspect of my song. Form, flow, you know what im talkin about.

That intro tab is kinda F'ed up

[JonnyboyM151]

It was good, you kept a rhythm that was clearly there in vocals consistently
and you had rhymes that suited it. It's not confusing (at least for People with brains inside their head that have all five senteces and a head and a brain, i like mice

[MidnightHysteria]

It'll do as a basic song, but I'd like to see you do a little better than basic, especially with the lyrics. My personal favorite ways to do this are figurative language and imagery, which make it easier for the reader to imagine precisely what you're going through, and also make it more interesting. Other things you might want to try are subtler rhyme schemes, or sound devices besides rhyme (such as assonance, alliteration, or consonance), because AABB and ABAB get kind of boring after a while if that's all you write.

[Happy_Squirrel]

Midnight covered just about everything. This song was nothing special. Basic rhyme schemes. No concrete imagery or metaphors. It just seemed like a generic "angst" song.

Also, I'll warn you right now: most people on the S & L forum don't care to see chord progressions, slides, palm muting, etc. and won't hesistate to let you know about it. I appreciate the fact that you're a musician/songwriter, but just stick to the lyrics (and maybe some short notes about song structure) here.

[tell.me.something.typical]

Here is my first of two songs I wrote. Ill post the other one sometime tomorrow as I'm only allowed one a day right? Anyways, I'm 17 year old self taught by ear guitarist. I've been playing for about 2 years so gimme all you got, because its "All I got"

Intro x2
__7__7__7__7_5__5___5__5__5__2_3_2_2
55 55 5 88 8 88 33 33 3 33 3 3

Verse 1
A__________C
All I need is all i got,
G__________________________A
Tell me who you are,I know your someone your not,
A_________________C
Dont put up a front, and put those lies away,
G_______________________A
Come on look at me in the eyes today,

Bridge
77 77/1010 x 55 55/7
77 77/1010 x 55 55/7 7 5 5
55 55/8 8 x 35 33/5 8 8
p p

77 77/1010 x 55 55/7 77 5 7 5
77 77/1010 x 55 55/7 77 5 7 5
55 55/8 8 x 35 33/5
p p

Chorus x2
A__________________C
I dont need a clue to see right through you,
G_________________________A
Take off that mask, you know its all i ask


A_____________C
What you need is what im lacking,
G________________________A
Cant we come to some kind of understanding,
A_________________________C
The trust we gave, yeah it was nothing but true,
G_______________________A
Look at you now you got no one to save you

Bridge
77 77/1010 x 55 55/7
77 77/1010 x 55 55/7 7 5 5
55 55/8 8 x 35 33/5 8 8
p p

77 77/1010 x 55 55/7 77 5 7 5
77 77/1010 x 55 55/7 77 5 7 5
55 55/8 8 x 35 33/5
p p

Chorus x2
A____________________C
I dont need a clue to see right through you
G_______________________A
Take off that mask you know its all i ask
____________________________________

Please crit' on every aspect of my song. Form, flow, you know what im talkin about.

That intro tab is kinda F'ed up
Overall:This song doesn't really do much for me, it doesn't stand out or anything, it's very cliche. Also you should try putting some more lines to it. You should practice your writing skills; try looking for treads on here about "tips" and stuff that should help alot.
Score:
60%