first piece please crit

[DNA]

Just wrote this, not sure about it, a few mates say its pretty good,but i'm not sure if they're just trying to keep me happy lol.

La Marionnette.
Oil my hinges,
On my wooden Bones.
String me up on your cross,
And see what I can do.

It won’t hurt when I fall.
Replace my leg,
When It breaks.
Leave me hanging upside down

It doesn’t matter if I break
Just get tools
Throw me away
And make me again

[MidnightHysteria]

The first three stanzas are pretty cool, and I think are even more so if the fourth one is scrapped. That would also be good to do because you're introducing a new character at the end, and that's just random and awkward.

[Iamanidiot]

It's not really the last stanza as far as the last line. It seems a bit forced even though it fits. But if that's the last line a reader/listener reads/hears they're are going to be left with thinking that the piece is a lot worse than it really is. The rest of it is really good, particularly if you're writing to a emo or christian audience. 7.85/10 Work on that last line.

[DNA]

thanks guys just put another piece up here (http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=414645) if you're interested.
:D