some of my songwriting

[red n black]

This is the first time I do this so bare with me.

Song D

How did it feel to have another person in you?
What did you do to make him leave?
How fast can you sing a lullaby?
Did you sing one when you saw that thing?

Can’t you sing it one more time?
Maybe a detachable device?
Turn around, bend over and pull down your pants.
Spread your legs, and fly straight into the mansion.

Radiation, the death of a nation
Mutilation, no one to care about
Emancipation, time has come to
Mutation, activate...

...ME

Going over it again and again and again.
Did your sister kick you?
Raped and swallowed, what the hell.
Asked by questions, answeres non-existant.

Radiation, the death of a nation
Mutilation, no one to care about
Emancipation, time has come to
Mutation, activate...

...ME

Maybe a detachable device?
Asked by questions, answeres non-existant.
How fast can you sing a lullaby?
Raped and swallowed, what the hell.

Radiation, the death of a nation
Mutilation, no one to care about
Emancipation, time has come to
Mutation, activate...

...ME

EDIT: Thx to MMPR, for tellin' me. I will now go read the rules.

[CSD & the Soul Machines]

Please limit your posts to one song a post. One post per day, it's in the rules. Thx.

[MidnightHysteria]

I don't understand how the chorus is connected to the rest of it.

[red n black]

Me neither.

Does it matter?

[MidnightHysteria]

It's generally good form to have the entire song be about the same general thing.

[red n black]

It's generally good form to have the entire song be about the same general thing.

Well, the verses are about somekind of rapist. And when you're raped you become a little 'distant'. Thats the lullaby thing, singing to yourself.
The detachable device thing is because, it would be nice to be able to detach the raping from your mind.
Turn around, bend over and pull down your pants.
A rape association.
Spread your legs, and fly straight into the mansion.
The first part is a rape association, the second is cause, OK this ones far out, Spread your legs = spread your wings, FLY straight into the mansion.
Get it?
Radiation, the death of a nation
Mutilation, no one to care about
Emancipation, time has come to
Mutation, activate...

...ME
Radiation = after a rape the affect is not on one man it's on everyone around him too. And atleast here in Sweden sometimes news about rapes go on national TV, and if they are brutal enough they can "kill" the mood severly.

Mutilation = A rape association again, if you rape you're not supposed to feel anything. Which leads us to Emancipation = the Emancipation of rapists. the 'time has come to' thing, just leads into the next line.
If you get raped you mutate into another person, and you get different and need to be activated.
1.Going over it again and again and again.
2. Did your sister kick you?
3. Raped and swallowed, what the hell.
4. Asked by questions, answeres non-existant.

1. Going over the rape.
2. For being raped.
3. Feelings after being raped and 'taken care of' by social services people.
4. Translation = Peole ask me questions, I don't have answeres.

The last versse is just mish-mash from the other verses.

[jimbob2222]

disturbing......sounds like something you wrote to turn yourself on lol would make a good slipknot though!

[red n black]

jimbob2222: Thats VERY offensive.



Let's just say I'm not a fan of Slipknot or there "lyrics".

[red n black]

Uhhuuhh, bUmp,.

atleast rate it please

[demon42day0]

How did it feel to have another person in you?
What did you do to make him leave?
How fast can you sing a lullaby?
Did you sing one when you saw that thing?

Can’t you sing it one more time?
Maybe a detachable device?
Turn around, bend over and pull down your pants.
Spread your legs, and fly straight into the mansion.

interesting start off... it leaves a lot for the mind to have to interpret... making them ((and me)) wonder what the heck ur talking about... thats good though... because it caught my interest

Radiation, the death of a nation
Mutilation, no one to care about
Emancipation, time has come to
Mutation, activate...

...ME


up until i read ur translation... i had no idea what u ment... i doubt many people will... if no one understands... how can they like the lyrics?

Going over it again and again and again.
Did your sister kick you?
Raped and swallowed, what the hell.
Asked by questions, answeres non-existant.


this helps tie the song together... but still doesnt really help teh chorus much

all and all.. its not bad... if the musical part was good... no worries...

[red n black]

Thanks for the crit. I just gotta say that this piece wasn't very thought of, it just sorta came out of my head. The chorus is very 'melodic' and joining the riff in melody. It's sung exactly like the riff.

Another thing, ahem, the "explanation". I just made that up along the way, just so everyone knows. But that just shows that everything can be interpretated(sp?) anyway, I just interpretated(sp?) my own song.

And what do you think about the last verse?
A part of me thinks it sucks to use the same words, but another part of me thinks it's pretty original, cuz I have never heard that in a song before.

[demon42day0]

i thought it was fine.. but hears an idea... revise the last verse... then put them side by side and see which one u like more