Cliche [doesn't have the cool accented e]

[i am the robots]

I've been sitting, thinking
Weighing this decision in my head
To hold out from all speach
And to clear myself from your arms
Don't assume upon what I am getting at
Christ, I know I sound a fool
As I have everytime before

I could lend me hospitality
And just sit shut in once more
Would be best if I just gave into
The depression and stem the word flow endlessly

I'm crossing the line that I've set for myself
I'm reverting back to what I was
I'm obsessing over what is no longer mine
I'm bordering upon breaking this trust

Could I just break apart;
Flutter away with the breeze?
or should I just wait this out;
Let fate move her pawns as she please?
Must I just watch from afar;
Accept this for what it is?
Can't I just comprehend
That now this one is entirely his?

[MidnightHysteria]

I like how it seems both extremely plain-spoken and highly poetic at once. Very cool.

PS: To make an é, hold down "alt" and press 0233 on the number pad (unless you have a mac, then you're on your own).

[i am the robots]

I wish I was on a Mac, thanks for the feedback, and thanks for the accented e code.

[red n black]

I could lend me hospitality

I don't get that line.

And whats verse and whats chorus?

[i am the robots]

There is no 'chorus' it just continues and progresses, I am into the less structured style music.

[red n black]

Ok, but what about the line?

[demon42day0]

that was good... i personally liked what it seems to be about

[i am the robots]

Ok, but what about the line?

It basically means that I could 'comfort' myself by just being a shut in, the song is about a lot of personal things, including the fact that I have just been diagnosed with the early stages of Xenophobia by a Psychiatrist.

[TojesDolan]

I've been sitting, thinking
Weighing this decision in my head
To hold out from all speach
And to clear myself from your arms
Don't assume upon what I am getting at
Christ, I know I sound a fool
As I have everytime before

Ok I can't really stress enough how important it is that no matter how cliché a subject is, you always, and I mean always Have to add a little bit of your own style and what not to make a poem your own. For instance, I didn't find this line bad at all, the only concern I really have is the lack of...hmm... poetic feeling to it. It feels just like sentences, I suppose, That talk about a lot of things but don't really take anywhere we haven't been before. Try to eliminate words that aren't necessary for the understanding of the sentence (laso known as ellipsis) Use metaphors... I don't know. Your basic idea is amazing, but it could really use some work her and there.

I could lend me hospitality
And just sit shut in once more
Would be best if I just gave into
The depression and stem the word flow endlessly

The flow here. It's not amazing. The writing is much more improved from the last stanza, but I don't know. It's still a tad bit redundant, in my humblest opinion. The "lend me hospitality" is a great example of what you should do to write something that isn't as common as it'd look.

I'm crossing the line that I've set for myself
I'm reverting back to what I was
I'm obsessing over what is no longer mine
I'm bordering upon breaking this trust

Better, but still there's something that bugs me.

Could I just break apart;
Flutter away with the breeze?
or should I just wait this out;
Let fate move her pawns as she please?
Must I just watch from afar;
Accept this for what it is?
Can't I just comprehend
That now this one is wholey his?

"wholey" for "entirely". Suits better, in my opinion. This is the best stanza, great rhyme, great vocabulary use. Overall, this is the best rounded out of the whole pack. As an overall poem I thikn it flunks, the idea is amazing, but it wasn't taken the way it'd have probably should have, or had the potential to do so. My only real advice for you is to keep writing, I see far more potential here than most of the writing arround, but still, there's some road to walk yet.

[i am the robots]

It's actually a melodic screamo song, not a poem, :-/. I can see what you mean, I'll do some editting. A lot of the flowing is hard to figure out, but it works for me.

EDIT: I'm not calling this 'emo' because I think it's that due to the lyrics, that's what the actual musical style of the song is.