What is love?

[smart plexiglass]

Love is an illusion that even a shrewd man can't see,
It comes packaged as hope but contains misery.

Love can turn two best friends against each other,
So strong it breaks the bond between two brothers.

Love conquers all, especially your heart.
It leaves it bruised and battered, sometimes bludgeoned apart.

Love is a lie: all girls are the same.
They promise eternal happiness; they bring eternal pain.

[factor46]

Try not to make your rhyming sound forced. You had a good idea going here, but the genericness of it bored me after a little reading. Also, the last stanza is very opinionated and not true. Try to abstain from using opinions in song/poem.

It's not bad, but could use some work. :thumb:

[CrashRiot]

Isnt that what musicians try to do? They use poetry/and or songwriting to display their opinions in the best way they know how. If you ask me, I believe that the artists opinions are neccessary in their work. It gives the artist a certain connection with it, makes it mean something special to them. So, I think the piece is great is does everything that needs to be done in a poem, it states the artists feelings and views on a subject so great work:thumb:

[factor46]

True, but when a writer states a line saying that something IS something....when it's completely an opinion, problems occur. You can opinionate your lines without stating that it's an absolute.

[TojesDolan]

Forced rhyme, not good.

True things, indeed, but cliché, in the end. It's nothing that hasn't been told in the past, but you made a good try. :)

[ITRIEDVOODOOONCE]

I actually disagree with factor, the rhyming doesnt sound forced so much as it sounds like you force things to fit a good rhyme. And the couplet idea was good, but the topic was so cliche it almost completely negated that fact.

[MidnightHysteria]

The flow was kind of... how shall I say this... nonexistant, as far as I could tell. However, I like all the clever subtle references to other obscure songs. Sneaky.

[slack]

Love is an illusion that even a shrewd man can't see,
It comes packaged as hope but contains misery.

Love can turn two best friends against each other,
It is so strong it breaks the sacred bonds shared between two brothers.

Love is conquers all, especially your heart.
It leaves it bruised and battered, sometimes bludgeoned apart.

Love is a lie: all girls are the same.
They promise eternal happiness; they bring eternal pain.

I suggest cutting the stuff in bold, and adding the underlined content. Otherwise, I really enjoyed this. Nice job.

[smart plexiglass]

Suggestions noted and corrections made.

[morrissey]

This is actually quite good John but I've always liked your poetry.