Leviathan

[Thrash_Guitarist]

I wrote this song based upon chapter 41 of Job in the Bible... it is about a sea dragon, Leviathan, I would appreciate any comments or suggestions.

LEVIATHAN

can you tame a beast of the sea
and make a covenant unto he
that you he shall serve
until the end of the earth?

with the dragon will you make play
like a bird's song in the day
will you ensnare him for your maidens
to hear what they will say?

will you feast in his name
so that merchants know his fame
will you not bring him death
to glorify your claim?

in the war against Leviathan
to swords and shields
he'll never yield
only divine intervention
can bring you victory
who then should stand against me
for I am the Lord

who is there that can look upon his face
to see his teeth that bring souls disgrace
and the scales that are his pride
that not the sharpest sword can pierce

his nostrils bring forth fire
evil in his desire
to destroy
to decay
and to consume all in his way

even the mighty flee
in his awesome prescence
no spear can breach his skin
no lie can tempt his sense

in the war against Leviathan
to swords and shields
he'll never yield
only divine intervention
can bring you victory
who then should stand against me

iron is straw
and bronze is wood
to his seamless skin
no arrow can find it's way within

his flames boil the sea
and bring forth misery
like the spines beneath his breast
that impale the hearts of men

no other is as he
that beholds the high things
with his deprivation of fear
to pride's children he is king

in the war against Leviathan
to swords and shields
he'll never yield
only divine intervention
can bring you victory
who then should stand against me

in the war against Leviathan
to swords and shields
he'll never yield
only divine intervention
can bring you victory
who then should stand against me
For I am the Lord

[Rock_Out_Dudes]

This seems like it would make a good power metal-ish song. It has some strong points, and it has some weaker ones.

First the weak...It has a LOT of stanzas...maybe even too many, because I can't see this song being any shorter than 10 min, which isn't necessarily a bad thing, as I like long songs. It's just that longer songs don't appeal to many people that are just casual listeners. It seems to have some forced rhymes that sort of interupt the flow, but most of the time the rhymes were good. Puncuation and capitalization might have helped the flow a bit more too. Maybe you could focus less on Leviathan's skin, becuase you seemed to mention the strength of his skin/scales in 3 different stanzas, which might get a bit boring.

Now some of the strengths...First, I love it when people base songs of of real events, or events from the Bible, so you get bonus points for that. Second, this part, " in the war against Leviathan..." which I think is the chorus is good imo. I especially like the last line, as it brings good closure to the chorus, and I like how you used it to end the song. These 2 lines are great, "no spear can breach his skin, no lie can tempt his sense".

Overall it was pretty good. Maybe you could remove a few stanzas (3, 5, 6 and 9 are the weakest imo) and add some puncuation/capitalization to make it easier to look at. Also there are a few rhymes that are sort of forced, but the way that you sing lyrics can change that completely. I'll give this a 7/10. Please crit http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=405758 if you get a chance. Thanks!