Exodus - Crit for Crit

[Shady Ultima]

Alright, this song is not about what it seems, the entire song is written in metaphors. It may not make sense the first read through, but there is a very deep emotional message to it.


Long lost in the world of man
A secret untold for centuries
The quest begins for the past
But can you hear the hidden truths?
Deep inside of your soul
And the search goes on


Search for the entity
A forgotten thing in our lives
Quest for the lost
Stealing from our identity
Our hallowed souls like frost


Its far within ourselves
But we reject it 'til the end
Trade eternal happiness for bliss
Leaving ourselves hopeless
This train of lies derailed
And the search goes on


Final sentence as we march along
This quest nearly come to an end
We hold ourselves back once more
To see the moral of the story
To understand the underlying message
Question everything within

[DeadReligion]

Very Graffinesque, as in Greg Graffin. And for that alone I'd give you an 11/10. Lol. I loved the "train of lies derailed" line especially. And the entire first verse. It's a little odd how the second verse has five lines while all the others have six, but I won't bust your balls about that...The question everything within, is a good message, however, it's a bit cliche...but what isn't these days. Lol. 9/10.

http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=405601

[Shady Ultima]

That's not the message actually. That's only a hint as to what the song is about. The last two lines are the only ones that are hinting at what it is about, not the true meaning of the song.

[DeadReligion]

Oh, well, anywho, could you please crit the song I gave you the link to? NVM, you already did, thanks.

[slack]

So, the message I gleaned from this is that we have basically forsaken our divine nature. That we've chosen the easy route--hedonsim, instant gratification--over the more difficult path of self-preservation, i.e., Trade eternal happiness for bliss.

It has a spiritual bent to it, but I dunno, it's a bit too far-reaching for my tastes. Too general. The imagery isn't anything to scream and shout about, but that's okay. Sometimes the message is more important, like here.

It's tough to critique this one because while the lyrics aren't atrociously bad, they're not like mind-blowing either. They get the job done. So, good on ya.

70%

[Rock_Out_Dudes]

So what I think you are trying to get at is that there is a power above humans that we have chosen to deny. I could be wrong, but it seems like you are saying humans have tossed aside their duty to serve their god in order to enjoy false happiness in the present, and that we don't care if it causes us to be damned in the afterlife, as long as it pleases us now. I think you are trying to say that we are searching for the reason for our life, but that we won't be able to find it until we come back to our god.

The last stanza's last 2 lines, are my favorite in the song, I definitly wouldn't change those, as they seem to be a great way to end the song. The weakest part is probably the last 2 lines of the 1st stanza. They just seem really plain and stale to me.

It seems like it has good language, and good metaphors, but it doesn't really seem to get resolved at the end. I normally like songs where there is a more firm ending to it, but this one seems to go unresolved in a good way. Hopefully you can understand what i'm trying to say. Overall i think this was very good. Probably about a 7.5/10.

Please leave a crit for : http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=405758

Thanks.

[boyhendoghdy]

Long lost in the world of man
A secret untold for centuries
The quest begins for the past
But can you hear the hidden truths?
Deep inside of your soul
And the search goes on

alright, this seems to sound like it would be good in a slower tempo song, and it would sound great with a good bassline, the fourth line doesn't seem to fit the rhythm of the rest of this verse, but other then that i think it seems to be really good


Search for the entity
A forgotten thing in our lives
Quest for the lost
Stealing from our identity
Our hallowed souls like frost

I wasn't expecting a rhyming scheme, but here it is, the rhyming seems good, but the order of rhyming could be improved, instead of having an odd ABCAC rhyming scheme, try ABABC

Its far within ourselves
But we reject it 'til the end
Trade eternal happiness for bliss
Leaving ourselves hopeless
This train of lies derailed
And the search goes on

I liked this verse alot, but once again lines 3 and 4 don't seems to flow as well as the rest of the verse, i really liked both the 5th line and the suttle repeat of the 6th line

Final sentence as we march along
This quest nearly come to an end
We hold ourselves back once more
To see the moral of the story
To understand the underlying message
Question everything within

This was a very solid ending, no complaints, very well done

alright, all in all, this was very very well written, i really enjoyed it, and with the few minor things i mentioned it could sound twice as good, 7.5/10

BTW, crit mine when you get a chance:
http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=406076

[HomeCatMickey8]

Movement of Jah's people?.... you might want to change/add to the title.