The Hate Life Of A Water Drop

[DeadReligion]

This is kind of my other song's evil twin, it's written by the same person. A pyromaniac who hates water... This is also a bit shorter. Cybergasm:wave:, if you see this, I'd love you to tear it apart like you did with my Flame song
:-).




The Hate Life of a Water Drop

(Intro)
The one miracle that,
We have a plethora of,
A finite superabundance
(Intro end)

(Verse 1)
Watch as it beats down the shore,
Viciously pushing everything
Out of its way,
Or swallowing you up, whole
Your throat will burn, without air,
Faster than a villain’s blood congeals,
(Verse 1 end)

(Verse 2)
When it’s calm,
The sun’s reflection is bright,
Like glitter on a preschooler’s art work
Beautiful on a sunny day,
Until it moves to the middle of the sea,
And takes with it, a child
Or white water rapids,
Slay a family
(Verse 2 end)

(Verse 3)
It eats tiny grains of sand,
It’s more cunning than any animal,
You think it is so harmless,
It’s a sea of blue blood, you imbecile,
It’s purpose is to kill,
It slaughtered, my old flame,
That will never light up again.
(Verse 3 end)

[FA]

The one miracle that,
We have a plethora of,
A finite superabundance

haha i like the intro, although superabundances seems to break the flow, due to the wordiness and syllables involved.

Watch as it beats down the shore,
Viciously pushing everything
Out of its way,
Or swallowing you up, whole
Your throat will burn, without air,
Faster than a villain’s blood congeals,

^lovely

It eats tiny grains of sand,
Faster than a shark will
Bite off your hand
It’s more cunning than any animal,
You think it is so harmless,
It’s a sea of blue blood, you imbecile,
It’s purpose is to kill,
It killed, my old flame,
That will never light up again.

By far the weakest line in the entire poem is the 2nd line in this stanza..."Faster than a shark will". It's exteremely boring and could use a definite spicing up. I'd consider using other synonyms for the word "kill", in these two lines:

It’s purpose is to kill,
It killed, my old flame,
it just bores me to be honest, the message just seems weak and unappealing.

P.S. - I revised Aria of the Sun's Hymn, i changed a few things, lemme know what you think

[FA]

better, much better, although slaughtered doesn't seem to fit with "killing a flame" :P but great improvement

[Aus_rock_god]

Had to get a dictionary for the first line :lol:.

[MidnightHysteria]

Too many lines start with "It" or "It's" (or "Its" ). This is both annoying and somewhat unnecessary. I'm sure you could get rid of a few of them.

[DeadReligion]

/bumpity bump bump bump