doesn't have a title.. yet..

[Tabberchick]

This is just something I wrote when I was really upset. And I wanted to see what you think.. it doesn't have a title or anything yet.

I’m in love but I guess you weren’t
And love needs two people to make it work
I know the feelings I felt were true
And I still can’t take my eyes off you

When not returned love is almost lost
But you don’t know what you put me though
My broken heart is the one real cost
The only thing in my heart and mind is you

When I see you my heart leaps
Which just wears me down even more
Cause I know you don’t feel a thing
That’s why I’m crying at your door

I know that it’s not any use
You’ll never return my feelings
I can’t take more emotional abuse
And now my head is reeling

[Dancin' Man]

After my short time with ATCs new ideas, get rid of the ands in the first stanza. You don't need them. It also comes off as a bit whiny and uninspired. Instead of me feeling like you are really in love, I feel like you are writing about being in love so it comes off as cold and indifferent. Try to add a more personal touch. More imagery and metaphors will really help this. Also, some lines just sound weird. The second to last line is completely unfitting. Finally, stop trying to rhyme everything. It weakens your piece because you spend more energy rhyming than writing interesting lines. Keep writing please.

http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=405278

[Neoteric]

The thing is, you could find that in any song you can find. Some metaphors and smilies would be good. It's nice just describing how you feel but when it's a love song, it can be way too obvious.

Just my two cents mind you.

[Blue Light Special]

Try not to start lines with the word "And". Also, you seem to be lacking in imagery. Similies, metaphor, pictures we can visualize in our mind. How does this make you feel? Dredge your soul to compare it to a feeling others may be able to relate to.

"Which just wears me down even more"

This line seems to break the flow from the rest of your song. You may want to rearrange it, or add a word.. Not sure what needs to be done, but it just breaks up an otherwise beatiful structure.

[MidnightHysteria]

Agh... the clichés.... no................. I'm melting! MEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLTTIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNN NNNNNNNG!


Sorry. That was completely uncalled for. But still, I maintain that you might want to double check your wordings to make sure they haven't been used much (or better yet, at all) before.

[Tabberchick]

eh I figured it wasn't good.. lol thanks anyways

[TojesDolan]

Not exactly not good. Just clichéd and overly whining.

Keep trying though. You seem alright.

[Blinkfanatic108]

I've got 1 the brutal letdown