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View Full Version : Prostitutes of the New World Order (crit for crit)


ShakeyAir
10-20-2005, 05:35 PM
Wrote this today, might add some more, but probably not.

'Prostitutes of the New World Order'

This alley here breeds some lovely things
The least of which has been described as heavenly
Yet, we’ll turn it in for just a bit of love
Or was it pain? Pleasure? Freedom?
In the end, isn’t it all the same?

Let’s play pretend
(You lock your door)
And I’ll wait right there
(And you’ll get bored)
And no one will be watching…

Look at all this dirt, honey
Do you remember where we came from?
This little grain of sand that we have taken
Ruined its gracious name
To use for our egotistical eccentricity
To pump rotten lies into the back of
Our already ****ed up heads
And over time, we forgot to take our falls, and after all
Why feel pain when you can fly? Why learn to take it
When you can just be sedated and happy with a lie

Let’s play pretend
(You lock your door)
And I’ll wait right there
(And you’ll get bored)
And no one will be watching…

Déjà vu, did you see it coming?
Or did you even notice
Until I let you know it?
Do you look at the window or through it?
Or can you even tell anymore?
Since slowly I’m getting colorblind
Seeing this same grayed boring hue
And that's all you'll ever want
When they're through with you

Have at it. Crit for Crit, leave a link to make life easy.

Much love.

DeadReligion
10-20-2005, 05:51 PM
The chorus didn't appeal to me, it just sounded...weird. The first verse was certainly the best. The first line of the second verse needs to go, it is unnecessary and sounds a little stupid, sorry. The rest of the second verse is quite good though, as is the second verse. Also in the third verse, the colorblind, grayed hue line seems a little cliche, it's not bad, keep it if you like it. The first three lines in verse #3 are probably my favorite. And props on the title, I'd give this a 9/10 or an A.

http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=404870 < Crit this please.

FENDERGROUND
10-20-2005, 07:32 PM
i thought it was good a little bit complicated...seemed a bit poetical and less lyrical, all together pretty nice, i liked the chorus....the rest didn't keep intrested as much....crit mine please its callled "pictures in my head"
8/10

Somerandomguy
10-20-2005, 07:48 PM
I liked it I agree with Dead religion The first line of the second verse does seem odd but I liked the chorus. I'll be looking for more of your work

ShakeyAir
10-21-2005, 03:20 PM
Girl, make your *** go
Bump
Bump