follow for the fire

[xKONRADx]

Shepherd
--------------------------------

If the city within a city
Isn’t proof of our stupidity
You better check the anger of the flock
Check its lack of free thought
And how when a sheep threatens to question
The methods of election
Or why its always the poor who are left to drown in war

We hear em say-
Copy the mantra
Look at all the **** it got cha
Honor your father
And let your mother lie and bleed

Yo, In here we say-
Copy the mantra
See all the **** it got cha
Follow those before ya
Just like gasoline, we burn for greed

Two years long past
I’m watchin the fox’s tongue
Well, its still spinnin fast
To control the whole media
To keep us obedient
They said an elephant never forgets
But the past doesn’t apply to the
To the present threats

Yeah,
And since that treason committed
All those who speak against it
Are pushed to forget it
So that a reason for war doesn’t matter anymore
Then they abolish our rights without a ****in fight
And comfort us sayin
“Theres been no abuse,
And protections what you need”

Sit down and say-
Copy the mantra
Look at all the **** it got cha
Three cars and a house
And a ****in diamond ring

But don’t you ever say-
**** on the mantra
See all the **** it brought ya
A double shot of fascism
Wrapped in hunger disease and-
And democracy

Now hear me say-
It seems
We sheep will do anything
To call our chains by other names
Our cars our rings our finer ****in things
We cant face the weight placed on every word we breathe


Now check the anger of the flock
To tell it the truth, is to put it into slavery

[MidnightHysteria]

In general I don't really like songs that take shots at religion, and even less songs that go after one specific religion, but this is pretty catchy. I like it.

[Dancin' Man]

I like that these are rap lyrics. What I don't like is the topic (because the day I start liking this topic is the day I stop writing) or your use of common cliches. The idea of a flock and sheep is really tired and dull. I have trouble fairly critiquing this piece because the theme just grates on my nerves the worst possible way. I just feel like there is such a bandwagon for anti-goverment/Bush/Republican sentiments that there is no space for original thoughts and everything feels prefabricated. The only goverment based lyrics I can stand are the ones that ask questions rather than attack what is going on. So I am sorry but I do think it is well written although rap doesn't mean you have to misspell words.

[xKONRADx]

In general I don't really like songs that take shots at religion, and even less songs that go after one specific religion, but this is pretty catchy. I like it.
thanks, but i didnt intend to be attacking religion.

misspell words
such as?
anyway, thanks for the comments about the cliche imagery. and even though i know there is a bandwagon, i wouldnt say im on it.

[Dancin' Man]

cha.

[xKONRADx]

nope, thats how you spell it

[halFwayBLINK]

im new here as u can guess by number of post x( but i re-read this a few times n i like it alot mostly looking for anyhting agenst religon n i didnt find no so i dont think u targeted religon as much if at all how much u did goverment

[Therejectedguitarist]

Its kinda cool. i dont know how ppl got the interperitation of a religion in it, it seems more pointed towards govornment or somthing. neways, its nice.

[Flopfoot]

Yea I didn't really pick up the religion thing there, thought of it more as a govt thing. It's good how you keep using the animal metaphors - sheep, foxes, elephants, it fits the song. However, I reckon a lot of the swearing doesn't really fit the song. And the title doesn't really work either - whats with the mention of the gasoline?
My fav line is prolly "To call our chains by other names."

[xKONRADx]

can i get a crit please?

[SubtleDagger]

This is the reason I hate pretty much all rap. It's just the presentation that gets to me. It's so mind-numbingly stupid.

Honestly, "cha"? The mindless, pointless cursing? The lack of proper enunciation? It's just stupid. Not to mention that this subject matter was old when Eminem did it.

[swiftshredder]

The lines referencing the mantra become somewhat repetitive in their current form, specifically where you say "dont ever say s it on the mantra" following the sit down and say verse. In that case I would use something synonymous to the repeated section rather than repeating the word.

[maggotfelon]

I fvcking love you man. It's great to see some diversity in lyrical style here. The whole time I was reading this I had this underground beat in my head by this rapper who is EXTREMELY intelligent and isn't all b.itches and hoes and ah yo yo yo. All though sometimes that ****'s fun too. I feel inspired to place some of my rap lyrics on here now. Maybe that'll be my next song. Ok, back to you... this is just awesome except

"But don’t you ever say-
**** on the mantra
See all the **** it brought ya"

I think it got a litlle repetitive or something, I'm not completely sure. But everything else is perfect. 9.9/10 on this one baby, YEAH!

I recommend more experimentation, this style fit you well.

[maggotfelon]

Oh yeah, think you could give this link a look see for me. It would be appreciated.


http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=399359

[ABulldog]

i picked up on the religion, but i saw it more towards the government and its greed for oil. Those of you who remember me, will remember that i am pretty dumb when it comes to figuring out hidden meanings, but this one was easy to figure out. I thought the parts about religion were just pointing out GWB's agenda and how it often times is based around religion.


http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=399424

[the untolf]

rap... i hate rap if it is rap tho id change the yo's... then change the whole thin to metal or rock but still good

[xKONRADx]

i actually wrote this after listening to alot of rage. so not exactly rap, but definately hip hop influence.

[Happy_Squirrel]

You better check the anger of the flock
Check its lack of free thoughtI dig most of the first stanza. However, I don't get the second line that I have quoted here. It reads that the "flock" (us citizens) don't have free thought, but I think (please correct if I'm wrong) that what you were trying to say is that the government doesn't want us to think for ourselves, not that we can't. If that's the case, then you need to reword it, IMO.

We hear em say-
Copy the mantra
Look at all the **** it got cha
Honor your father
And let your mother lie and bleedThe first three lines here remind me of Rage Against the Machine. But that's the problem. It reminds me of RAGE too much and doesn't sound original in my mind. I think that you can do better. I don't get the last line.

Follow those before ya
Just like gasoline, we burn for greedI didn't think the first line here was very creative. But I really liked the second.

Two years long past
I’m watchin the fox’s tongue
Well, its still spinnin fast
To control the whole media
To keep us obedient
They said an elephant never forgets
But the past doesn’t apply to the
To the present threatsHmmmm...it's seem like you've got some extremes here. Lines 2, 3 & 5 seem metaphorical, but you're alluding to specific people/events. The other lines are more grounded in the literal, but they're more generic (in my mind). I'm not quite sure what to make of it. I don't think that I like it on the whole. Lines like "control the media" and "the past doesn't apply to the present threats" just seem uncreative. I like metaphors, but the most abstract lines here that I mentioned just seem a bit too abstract, like you're straining too hard. I'm afraid I don't have any useful advice for this section. :upset:

Yeah,
And since that treason committed
All those who speak against it
Are pushed to forget it
So that a reason for war doesn’t matter anymore
Then they abolish our rights without a ****in fight
And comfort us sayin
“Theres been no abuse,
And protections what you need”Well, I think that I like most of this well enough. Last two lines seem rather vanilla.

Look at all the **** it got cha
Three cars and a house
And a ****in diamond ringI like how you allude to the fact that many of us are willing to accept the status quo as long as we've got cash in our pockets, lots of food on the table and toys to play with.

See all the **** it brought ya
A double shot of fascism
Wrapped in hunger disease and-
And democracyEhhhhhhhh...I'm not really diggin' this part. Plus, you're really running the whole "mantra" thing into the ground at this point.

Now hear me say-
It seems
We sheep will do anything
To call our chains by other names
Our cars our rings our finer ****in things
We cant face the weight placed on every word we breatheI REALLY like this entire verse except for the last line. It doesn't make sense to me. Maybe you were trying a bit too hard to come up with something clever? Or maybe I'm just dumb. I don't know.

Now check the anger of the flock
To tell it the truth, is to put it into slaveryWell, this last part didn't really do anything for me. I think that you'd be better ending with a revised version of the previous stanza.

Overall, I'd say that it's pretty good but it could use some work. Maybe if it were a little less repetitive with the whole "mantra" thing.